


My Star in the Sky

by angelichl



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alpha Harry Styles, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, No Smut, Omega Louis, Roommates, Rutting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 09:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14041428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelichl/pseuds/angelichl
Summary: Louis and Harry have been best friends since they were kids, despite the fact that society and biology say they should be something more. Everything changes when Louis mistakenly returns to their flat during Harry's rut.





	My Star in the Sky

**Author's Note:**

> Additional warning: this fic contains a scene where Louis does not consent, but he escapes before anything happens. If you have any questions prior to reading, do not hesitate to [message me.](http://angelichl.tumblr.com/ask)
> 
> As always, do not break the barrier of trust by sharing this with anyone outside the fandom, include any real person mentioned in this fic.

 

 

_ Did you get enough love, my little dove? _

_ Why do you cry? _

_ And I’m sorry I left, but it was for the best _

_ Though it never felt right _

_ My little Versailles. _

—Sufjan Stevens, “Firefly”

 

 

An alpha and omega living together, unbonded, is an anomaly.

It’s incredibly rare for an A and an O to move in together before they bond. It’s even stranger for them to not be considering bonding at all, since they aren’t courting. As it goes, Louis and Harry seem to deny all expectations of biological attraction and societal tendencies.

Yet, the real scandal is that they’re just friends. Best friends, as it is, and they have been since they met when Louis was six and Harry was four. Back then, no one had ever assumed they would grow up to be an omega and an alpha, respectively. But here they are now, denying the basic and unspoken rules of society by living together.

It would be unbearable, if the world knew. Of course everyone knows they live together and everyone knows Harry is an alpha. But no one on earth, besides his family and Harry, knows the truth that Louis is an omega.

Everything would be different if people knew. It’s not like his friends would judge them or anything, but they would definitely be talked about and Louis really doesn’t want that. Their town isn’t too small, but word gets around quickly, and Louis isn’t a fan of being persecuted, no matter the cause of said persecution.

So he keeps it a secret. He’s too loud to be an omega so no one suspects it anyways. He presented late, when he was nineteen, and up until then everyone, including himself, thought he would be a beta. One awful heat later and obviously he knew the truth. He also knew his fate, if he let everyone know he was an O. It has gotten better, recently, the oppression omegas face, but at the age of nineteen Louis knew he was better of pretending to be a beta.

He still remembers that day, awful yet fateful as it was. It was six in the morning on a Friday when he woke up sweating, skin burning. He was aching with a need he had never felt before and it was frightening. It was so unexpected, it took him a while to realize what was happening.

By then, it was kind of too late. Harry, who presented as an alpha at sixteen, was already in the room by the time Louis had enough wherewithal to get out of bed.

He had asked, “Why does it smell like-“ before his eyes landed on Louis and the words died right in his mouth. Louis was already extremely frightened, anxious, and worried by then. He had no idea what to do, and the fact that his alpha roommate was going to be around for his first heat made him nervous. He stood there in a daze, unmoving.

Harry was in a daze too, the reaction induced by the sweet scent of Louis’ slick. Yet unlike Louis, he wasn’t motionless. Instead he was walking towards the omega without thinking, driven by hormones and arousal. Never mind that said omega was his best friend of twelve years, and had supposedly been a beta up until ten minutes ago.

It could’ve been a very, very bad situation. Luckily, the fear thrumming through Louis’ veins caused him to jump to action, and he bolted past Harry and down the hall to the bathroom. He locked the door behind himself and sunk to the ground, feeling the weight of his desire for the alpha in the room to bite him, knot him. It was a craving he had never felt before, and the yearning was so intense, he almost unlocked the door and let Harry inside. But at the back of his mind, there was that small voice that said not to. It wouldn’t be right. Harry was his best friend and up until now they had never showed any sexual interest in each other. Thus it was only related to biology and Louis just couldn’t have that.

The footsteps that came right up to the door sounded loud in Louis’ ears. He could smell Harry even through the door—an earthy, woodsy scent he had never smelled before. Harry smelled so good, it frightened Louis. He would do anything to have Harry inside him, knotting him, knocking him up and getting him pregnant. God, Louis would love to have his pups. Those were the thoughts going through his head at that moment at least, and they scared him half to death. He had never felt this way before.

“Fuck,” Harry had said from outside the door, obviously coming back to himself enough to know that he probably shouldn’t taken advantage of his best friend in such a vulnerable state. Louis was on the verge of begging for Harry’s knot and he didn’t know if Harry would be able to resist him if he asked for it.

Ultimately, Harry called Louis’ mum who drove an hour just to get to their shared apartment. By then Louis was fucking himself on his fingers to relieve the burning desire. He was so embarrassed and ashamed but he couldn’t stop; it felt horrible to stop. He was crying for Harry to take care of him. Harry had locked himself outside of the apartment in order to not tempt himself, though, so he hadn’t heard.

Harry spent the week at his friend’s apartment, under the guise of his own apartment being remodeled. It was a total lie, and a weak one at that. But the last thing Louis had requested of Harry before he left for the rest of the week was for him to not tell a single soul about Louis’ secondary gender. As of then, everyone had known Louis as a beta. If anyone caught wind of Louis presenting as an omega, the consequences would be grand. He would have had to move out of his apartment with his best friend, and he would also have to drop out of college since it was an alpha-beta institution only. Omegas didn’t go to college.

With a sleeved hand covering his nose so the fragrance of Louis wouldn’t tempt him so, Harry had nodded and promised never to tell. That was the last he said before he left, and after that Louis was a mess. He wanted Harry so badly, not because he loved Harry but because Harry was an alpha and all Louis needed was an alpha, any alpha, to fill him and knot him and get him pregnant. The carnal desires didn’t care that Harry was his best friend, or that they had known each other for twelve years. His lust felt no awkwardness, no perversion, no obscenity, no depravity, no immorality… All the while Louis was drowning with it.

By the time Louis’ heat was over, a torturous and unsatisfying week later, the apartment smelled so much like omega it couldn’t be ignored. Louis tried his hardest to wash everything—not just the sheets but every surface he touched. Still, the smell wouldn’t go away. It made him feel sick, light-headed, and all around horrible. Ridden with shame, he felt the absolute desire to sink into the earth or maybe even jump off a cliff. It was that bad.

When Harry returned he was very wary. Louis’ mum unlocked the door and let him in, telling him to wait on the couch while she fetched Louis, who was hiding away in his room and trying not to cry over the deep humiliation that was tearing him to pieces.

Just a day after Louis’ heat ended he was oversensitive and overemotional, not to mention exhausted. Bundled up in pajama pants and a jumper, he shivered uncontrollably, teeth chattering. When he got to the living room he saw Harry sitting on the couch, staring at him with wide, concerned eyes. The sight of his best friend so concerned like that made tears prick in the corners of his eyes. He felt so stupid. So weak.

“Hey Harry,” He greeted tentatively, his voice small, making the first move just to end the horrific silence. He felt so embarrassed and ashamed. Not to mention he was freezing to death. When his mum entered the room she bundled him up with two layers of blankets, making him feel slightly better.

“Are you alright, Lou?” Harry had asked, so concerned. Like a good alpha caring for a hurt omega. Louis realized their relationship was going to change, or maybe it already had. Louis being an omega changed everything between them. After all, the dynamic between alpha and omega is much different than between alpha and beta.

“Just peachy.”

It was horribly, unbelievably awkward, but that was when they had their first conversation about where to go from there. Eventually, through many hushed whispers, embarrassed blushes, and steaming cups of tea, they formed an agreement.

Neither one of them wanted to move out and not live with the other, so they decided to remain as roommates. They just needed to set some boundaries and that included discussing what to do when they went into heat or rut. Louis’ heat would happen every four months even with suppressants, so he would spend the time in a heat clinic because it just wasn’t safe or responsible to stay at home with Harry. Harry’s rut only happened once a year during mating season in the spring. The only problem was that alphas are very territorial during their ruts, so Harry would have to stay home while Louis would spend the time at his mum’s or in a hotel.

With the logistics of heats and ruts figured out, they then had to discuss Louis being an omega in general. Louis was very adamant about no one finding out about his secondary gender, and Harry was in no position to disagree. It wasn’t really his business who Louis told or didn’t tell, anyway. So it would be a secret they would share, and they would do everything in their power to keep it hidden. Louis would make sure of that.

It took a while to find the perfect balance of their new dynamic but once they had it figured out, they remained in the groove for years, with only a few hiccups. Like the multiple times Harry has walked in on Louis changing because apparently Louis is bad at locking the door and Harry is bad at knocking on it. These incidents always resulted in embarrassed blushes and stammered apologies, but they never talked about them because it was too awkward, with the way the fragrance of Harry’s arousal would curl through the air, begging to be paid attention though the two of them were dead set on ignoring it. A lot of what they did while living together was trying their best to pay no attention to the biological attraction between them, which was based solely on gender.

That’s how Louis knows whatever he feels towards Harry is only biology. He never felt this way towards Harry before he presented as an O. So it’s quite clear to him that the butterflies in his tummy at the sight of Harry cuddled up and sleeping on the couch, or the way his heart aches when he sees Harry entertaining Louis’ siblings, are all a result of biological arousal and nothing more. There’s that driving need in him to find a bond mate, especially after so many years without even a boyfriend to call his own. It’s becoming more and more difficult to ignore the fact that there’s this thrumming in his veins to finally settle down with someone.

So six years later and they’re still living together. Everyone except for Louis’ family and Harry thinks Louis is a beta, so no one questions their living situation in a shared apartment. Louis likes it this way because he’d rather not be questioned about his decisions, called a slut and a whore for staying with an unmated alpha, and looked down upon because he lives with an A but doesn’t have a bite mark on his neck.

In the beginning it was very difficult for Louis to accept his secondary gender, but now he cherishes it. Sometimes. When he’s not in heat, at least. He generally likes being an omega now, especially since living in secret has protected him from the societal repercussions of being an O, and many times he wishes he didn’t have to hide. It is what it is, though, and there’s nothing he can do about it.

Still, it’s very difficult at times to deal with it all. Especially hiding it. Louis may not act like an omega, meek, docile, and polite. But he sure does look like an omega, with the way he’s small and curvy and has a really nice bum if he does say so himself. Since his actual personality is the only thing keeping people from questioning him being a beta, he has to be very careful not to act like an omega even though it’s his literal nature to do so.

Most of the slip-ups occur in the presence of alphas and Louis just can’t help it no matter how hard he tries. There are so many innate, implicit urges he had never even considered before he presented as an O. But now whenever he’s in the room with an alpha he can’t help but give in to the instincts and subconsciously inhale a bit of the A’s scent, like he’s subliminally searching for a potential mate. Another difficulty is pretending to be indifferent to the scents of A’s and O’s alike, since betas can’t smell the difference.

Then there’s the urge to submit, to follow orders, to prove himself as a good omega. This is probably what he hates the most about all of his omega instincts, and unfortunately it’s the one he has the least amount of control over.

He can’t help it. When an alpha speaks, Louis listens. When an alpha walks, Louis trails two steps behind. When an alpha asks him to do something he finds it very hard to say no. When an alpha  _ orders  _ him to do something, even without using their alpha voice, his skin crawls unless he obeys.

So far, no one has noticed. Or at least if they have they haven’t said anything about it. Louis is working on being more independent and less likely to bend to the will of his superiors, but it’s difficult business. He struggles with this more than anything.

Like the wonderful alpha he is, Harry tries to help. They practice a lot, where Harry gives Louis orders and Louis ardently tries not to complete them. He’s much less helpless than when he started practicing and he did everything Harry asked of him without a second thought, but he still can’t exactly stand his ground.

They’re practicing right now, on a lazy Friday night in the middle of spring. Harry’s rut is next week and Louis is kind of dreading it, like he always does, because he doesn’t like being away from his friend for so long. Additionally, for some god awful reason Harry always decides to spend his ruts alone, never asking anyone to help him through it. The entire time Louis is at his mum’s house he feels sick and awful knowing there’s an alpha back home who needs an omega.  _ You’re an omega _ , Louis’ inner omega voice always screams at him.  _ Why don’t  _ you _ help him? He needs you. _

This year should be a bit better because it’s the first year Louis’ heat won’t align with Harry’s rut. Since they’ve been living together for so long, their schedules are in sync and Louis’ heat always matches up with that one week during mating season when Harry’s guard is completely down. But just last month Louis switched up his suppressants, which changed his cycle, so he isn’t supposed to have another heat until the summer.

He can’t help but be relieved. There’s nothing worse than having Harry, an unmated alpha, drop him off at the heat clinic before going home to spend his rut alone. Every year it tears Louis’ omega to shreds knowing there’s an alpha he loves who needs him so. Even though in reality it’s clear Harry would rather spend it alone than ask anyone, especially Louis, to help.

No matter. It’s an issue for next week, when Louis will have to peel himself away from the apartment in favor of spending the week at his mum’s. He hasn’t seen his family in ages, since his last heat happened to fall during Christmastime, and he spent the entirety of the holiday alone, locked in a room, empty and aching. Not one second of it was enjoyable. All he felt was the typical pain and longing of needing something so badly but not being able to receive it.

Oh well, there’s always next Christmas to spend with his family. He can only hope no complications will keep him from them next year. Two years in a row would just be a cruel joke played by the universe. He sinks into himself in remorse just thinking about it.

Now in the present, Harry says to him, “Stand up.” It’s an order but he’s saying it gently so it’s easier for Louis to refuse.

Still, Louis’ skin crawls with the distinct urge to please the alpha sitting on the arm chair across from the couch where Louis is sitting.  _ Stand up! _ The omega voices in Louis’ mind cries. Over and over in his mind, so as to drown out that omega voice, Louis thinks,  _ No, I don’t want to, I want to sit down, sit down, sit down- _

It doesn’t work. He ends up standing anyways, and groaning as he does so, because he doesn’t mean to, and he’s disappointed in himself, and Harry probably is too. “Fuck.”

Harry smiles sympathetically at him. “It’s okay Lou, we’ll try again. You’ve had a long day so it makes sense why you’re more willing to follow orders. You can do it, I know you can. You’ve done it before.” The way he says it is so cheerfully hopeful and encouraging, it makes Louis feel pathetic.

“Okay, okay. I’m ready.”

Harry nods, sitting up straighter as a signal that he’s going to give another order. And he does, commanding, “Come closer.”

_ Do it! _ His inner omega screams.

_ No, I want to stay here, I want to stay here, I want to- _

He walks forward, towards Harry. All the way until he’s standing so close their feet are touching. Fuck. He really hadn’t meant to do that.

“God damn it,” He cries, throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation. Harry is still smiling sympathetically and it makes Louis feel stupid. Just yesterday he was denying Harry’s orders easily but it seems like tonight, for no reason at all, he’s reverted back to the very beginning of when they first started practicing.

“It’s okay,” Harry soothes, patting the spot beside him on the armchair. It’s so far from an order but Louis feels his resolve crumbling so he complies, sitting down beside Harry. Sometimes he can’t help it, bending to Harry’s will so easily. “We can try again tomorrow, yeah? You must be exhausted.”

Louis sighs. “Yeah, I am. But I was doing it perfectly yesterday, so why am I failing so bad today?”

The chair is meant for one person, so they’re sitting pretty close together. Louis isn’t complaining, though—he’s always cold and Harry’s always warm, so it feels nice to be cuddled up next to him. Besides, Harry is the epitome of everything alpha and it eases something inside Louis that screams to be near  him.

“You’re just tired,” Harry assures him, looping his big arm around Louis’ shoulders. The weight feels heavy and warm, especially where his bicep brushes against the back of Louis’ neck. He reaches up and grabs Harry’s hand which dangles by his shoulder, playing with his fingers, deep in thought.

“I feel so stupid.”

“It’s just your biology-“

“Yeah, my biology to be stupid.”

“No, it’s in your biology to follow orders. It isn’t being stupid; it’s just the way it is. It isn’t your fault.”

Arguing with Harry is so pointless, especially when all he’s trying to do is reassure Louis. Louis decides to drop the subject, change it to something else. That’s the only explanation for why he says, “We cuddle too much for me pretending to be a B.”

“Yeah, but you’re not pretending to be a beta when it’s just us, so it’s okay. Besides, you like when I cuddle you.”

“Oh, do I?” Louis asks, like he doesn’t already know the answer. He can’t help the way he sinks back into Harry’s chest, letting Harry hold him. The thud of Harry’s heart is steady against Louis’ back, and he can already feel his own more erratic heartbeat aligning with the tempo.

“Yes, you do. And do you wanna know how I can tell?”

Louis humors him by responding with an appropriate, “How?”

“Because when you’re in my arms you smell even sweeter.”

His words are meant as a compliment but  _ fuck _ . It would be a nice thought except that Louis is wearing scent neutralizing spray so Harry shouldn’t be able to smell him at all. It isn’t very reassuring that Harry can notice Louis’ scent, much less a minuscule change in its so-called sweetness. No, not good at all.

“Aaaand now you smell worried. What’s going on in that crazy little head of yours?”

“Stop sniffing me, you knothead.”

Unable to see Harry’s reaction, Louis assumes he’s rolling his eyes in exasperation. “I’m not sniffing you, I’m literally just breathing through my nose. It’s not my fault your scent is in the air.”

“Damn it, Harry, you know no one should be able to smell me. I literally just used the neutralizing spray. What am I going to do? I’ve tried everything and you can still smell me.”

Harry exhales a quiet sigh that tickles the back of Louis’ neck, and rubs his big hand up and down the side of Louis’ arm. “It’s fine, I don’t think anyone else would notice. It’s just that I’ve known you for so long so I know what you smell like. It’s easier for me to detect.”

There’s a weird twinge in his voice that sounds vaguely like pride. Louis decides he’s hallucinating. There’s no reason Harry should feel proud of himself for being able to detect minute changes in Louis’ omega scent. It must be a weird alpha thing, something he’ll probably never be able to understand. Alphas are weird.

Louis is still tense from realizing he needs to either apply more neutralizing spray or figure out something else to do, but he can feel himself relaxing just by the way Harry is touching him. Nothing like the warm, constant heat of an alpha encompassing him to lower his blood pressure and ease the worries in his mind. He groans again, continuing to play with Harry’s fingers mindlessly.

He’s beginning to feel a bit drowsy, and he knows it’s not the fun or ideal Friday night, but he’s had a long week and he’s kind of ready to just go to bed. He yawns, curling closer into the alpha warmth that surrounds him. It wouldn’t be so bad to fall asleep here.

“Feeling okay?” Harry asks, sounding distantly worried. His arm tightens around the omega’s shoulder as his other hand reaches up to press against his forehead like he’s checking for a fever.

“I’m fine,” Louis manages to say even through his exhaustion. It’s hitting him all at once right now and he doesn’t know why. “Why are you asking?”

“Dunno. You’re not usually this tired.”

“Long week I guess.”

“You should go to bed, then.” It’s a suggestion, not an order, so Louis only slightly feels the tug in his heart to dutifully do as he says. There’s enough wiggle room for him to ignore it, though, especially because he can tell Harry doesn’t actually want him to leave even if it just means walking down the hall to his bedroom. Harry may accuse Louis of secretly enjoying the cuddles, but there’s no one clingier than Harry.

“It’s so warm here, though.” Louis snuggles closer to Harry to prove his point, not even caring that he shouldn’t be this close to his friend, even if they are best friends and have been for nearly two decades. Sometimes, such as now, he allows himself to give in to his omega urges, and it feels heavenly.

Harry is such a good sport about it too, always going with the flow and letting Louis use him as an alpha when he really needs it. Before and after heats Louis gets pretty needy, so it’s always nice to have Harry there to calm him down when he gets antsy and cuddle him when he gets cold.

In turn, Louis cares for Harry in similar situations. One of the biggest things is that after every rut, Harry wants to laze around for a few days and do nothing but bury his face in Louis’ neck, breathing him in. Sometimes it feels way too intimate for the friendship but Louis has to remind himself that what they have is special and very different from the way friendships are portrayed in movies and TV shows, so he probably doesn’t have anything to worry about. Besides, he loves the feeling of a sated alpha clinging to him protectively.

On various yet rare occasions, Louis has let Harry scent him. This is definitely a trickier topic because, like living together, it’s something unbonded A’s and O’s don’t typically do. But Louis has made the exception for Harry a few times after his ruts, because he gets very on edge if everything in the apartment doesn’t smell like him. Including Louis.

Louis draws the line there, and tries not to let it happen often, because of exactly that—it’s too intimate for their friendship. He remembers the first time, when Harry pulled him close and clasped his hand around Louis’ neck. The touch made Louis’ knees feel weak, and he couldn’t help it, he immediately bowed his head in submission, tilting it to the side to allow the alpha access to his throat. Not that he needed access to Louis’ throat, but. It was a completely innate action for which he refuses to take the blame.

Yeah, so Louis already smells like Harry enough as it is, since they live together and cuddle more than the average pair. But when Harry scents him it’s like a whole new level. Whenever Harry wasn’t looking he would lift his wrist to his nose and inhale, enjoying the new but comforting fragrance of a forest mixed with flowers or whatever it is Harry always says he smells like. What could he say, besides the fact that he loved the way their scents blended together?

Right. So the point is that Louis and Harry have a very elaborate, very strange, very symbiotic relationship. Friendship. Since they both benefit from the comforting presence of the other, it works out pretty well. Besides, they’ve known each other for nearly two decades so it wouldn’t make any sense to give up now. They’re friends, to whatever extent an alpha and omega can be friends, and it’s good. Great, actually, in a lot of ways. It’s hard because the world doesn’t know Louis is an omega, but it’s worth it for his safety and his reputation.

“You can fall asleep here. I don’t mind.”

“Your back will hurt from sitting here so long, though.” See, Louis has paid enough attention to Harry to know that his back gets sore easily, and remaining in one position for so long is a surefire way to aches and pains in the morning. Besides, it’s part of his omega nature to care for others. Especially cute, kind alphas with sore backs.

“As soon as you fall asleep I’ll carry you to bed.”

“You won’t.”

“I will.”

Louis knows Harry will, and that’s kind of the point. Harry is an alpha who has the typical instinctive drive to protect others, especially omegas. So Louis doesn’t doubt that if he falls asleep right now, he’ll wake up tomorrow morning in his own bed, Harry having carried him there. It makes him ache at the thought.

He reluctantly detaches himself from Harry and stands up, bidding him goodnight and telling him not to stay up too late.

Like he always does, Harry smiles sweetly at him and wishes him sweet dreams.

 

 

…

 

 

The weekend goes by quickly, along with the following week, and before Louis knows it he’s all packed and ready to go spend the next few days at his mum’s.

Harry is getting moodier and more agitated by the second, so Louis knows he needs to leave soon. The alpha is splayed out on the couch, one arm thrown behind him and propping up his head so he can read the book resting in his other hand. His eyebrows are furrowed in discomfort and he keeps shifting around like he can’t find a sufficient position to remain in for more than a minute or two.

“You gonna be okay?” Louis asks upon returning from packing his bags in his car. He’s a bit worried about Harry who seems to already be uncomfortable. His cheeks are rosier than usual, his eyes a darker green, and his skin is glowing with sweat.

“’M fine.”

Louis eyes him skeptically. On a normal day Louis would probably be sitting on the couch with him, but right now Harry’s scent is so strong, he knows he needs to remain at a distance. The entire room is engulfed in the aroma of rich earth and the burning embers of budding arousal. Usually he smells like the forest, but right now his scent is more of a forest fire, with smoldering flames and charred wood. It’s intoxicating in a strangely intense way.

“You sure you don’t wanna find an O to help you through it? Or maybe even a B?”

“Lou, I’m fine. I promise.”

“But-“

“It’s just like how you don’t want anyone for your heats, yeah? It’s just like that.”

“It isn’t, though. I only do that because I’m expected to, but alphas are supposed to-“

“I don’t care what I’m supposed to do,” Harry bites, his voice forceful enough to almost cross the line to a growl but not quite. “Just drop it, okay?”

At the tone of his voice Louis immediately cowers backwards. He can’t help it—it’s an innate, instinctual reaction. Same as the way he bows his head in obedience and stares at the ground, unable to meet Harry’s eyes.

Harry is too gone to apologize and Louis is too frightened to look up, but he knows the alpha is still glaring at him. He can feel the fiery gaze burning into his skin and it makes him still in submission. His heart is beating quickly in his chest and not for the first time in his life does he wish he was anything but an omega right now. That internal voice at him is shrieking like warning bells, screaming  _ upset alpha! _ and the notion is enough to make him feel physically ill.

The alpha eventually groans loudly and shifts onto his side, pressing himself into the couch with his back to the omega. The scent of his rut-induced arousal is emitted from his body in waves and it sends confusing signals to Louis. He’s still afraid from Harry’s harsh tone, but at the smell of him Louis also feels the very distinctive need to care for him and be there for him in the exact way Louis knows he needs him. The best option is just to leave right now before the situation gets any worse. In fact he should’ve left ten minutes ago.

In the back of his mind he feels like he’s forgetting something, but he leaves anyways, dropping his key in the bowl by the door. He won’t need it in within the next week and it’s better not to have it, if for some reason he feels an urge to help Harry he can’t ignore.

Shutting the door tightly behind him, he feels this sinking in his stomach like he’s a disappointment of an omega, failing his alpha.

Harry isn’t Louis’ alpha but sometimes it feels like he is. Sometimes Louis pretends he is. When it’s late at night and Louis is too exhausted to distinguish the difference between friend and bond mate, and Harry is holding him so gently anyways that the difference doesn’t even matter. Or when Harry asks him to do something and Louis does it easily, yes because it’s his nature to listen to alpha requests, but also because he has this secret desire to please one alpha in specifics.

And then there’s the time when Louis had been cutting an apple in the morning for part of his and Harry’s breakfast. It was early in the morning, early enough for him to still be half asleep. So when the knife slipped and sliced the tip of his finger, cracking his nail, and bright red blood oozed out onto the cutting board, he stood there stationary for a while, not really processing it.

It wasn’t until Harry entered the kitchen and gasped at the sight that Louis truly registered what he had done. With shaking hands he rinsed the blood off in the sink. The cut was pretty deep, but he didn’t deem it bad enough to warrant a sojourn to the hospital.

Harry immediately ran up to him and took the omega’s hand in his grasp, inspecting the wound closely with worry. He wanted to take Louis to the hospital but Louis wouldn’t have it, repeating over and over again that he was fine. Eventually they reached concurrence in the middle where they wouldn’t go to the hospital if Louis agreed to let Harry take care of him.

This of course resulted in Harry fussing over him for nearly an hour, bandaging him up using the first aid kit from the cupboard at the end of the hall. After that he kept turning Louis’ hands over in his own, like he thought the omega was hiding other wounds from him or something. Once he finished inspecting Louis’ body in full, at least five times over, he cuddled Louis close to him and wouldn’t let him go. Louis would find it annoying if he hadn’t been so endeared by the protective alpha.

It’s during times like those that Louis slightly forgets that Harry  _ isn’t _ his alpha. The descent back down to reality is cold and harsh, but it’s better not to hang around in dreamland for too long. The longer he pretends, the harder it is for him to accept the certainty that they’re just friends and that’s all they ever will be. Louis isn’t stupid to think Harry sees him in any way but a friend. Besides, none of these confusing feelings even existed between them before Louis presented as an omega. So clearly any attraction between them is purely based on biology, instinct, and that driving need to be paired with someone to care for him.

This is what Louis thinks of as he drives the hour to his mum’s house. He also thinks a lot about Harry’s obvious aggravation earlier, especially when Louis suggested he find someone to spend rut with.

Louis wasn’t lying, either, when he said it was expected of alphas to spend their ruts with a partner. It’s just the way it was, because who would want to spend a week in need and alone?

It’s different for omegas and Louis knows this, because omegas are expected to remain virginal until they bond. Alphas on the other hand have no pressures to keep their virginity intact, so it’s very rare for an alpha to spend their rut completely alone. Louis doesn’t understand why Harry denies himself the basic pleasure of having a mate or even just a friend to help him through the week, but he’s too shy about the topic of sex in general to inquire about it.

That’s the thing about being a virgin—everything about sex embarrasses Louis too much for him to speak openly about it. Like almost every unbonded omega, he suffers through his heats alone with only a fake alpha knot and artificially alpha-scented lube. It isn’t pleasant but he doesn’t have much of a choice. Why anyone would go through that torture alone when they don’t need to is beyond Louis. That’s why he doesn’t understand where Harry’s coming from at all.

In a lot of ways, though, Harry isn’t a typical alpha. In fact, Louis classifies him in the very selective category of  _ Good Alphas _ , which is comprised only of Harry and a few others, like their friend Liam who is probably the most kindhearted person on earth. Harry comes in at a close second but only because he gets pretty moody sometimes, and he can brood a lot.

Harry isn’t a typical alpha because he doesn’t necessarily think with his knot and he’s always respectful towards everyone. Lately he has taken quite the interest in social activism, and he’s always reading these weird philosophy books about the dynamics between secondary genders. He’s very careful and tries his hardest to treat everyone equally and with kindness, even though sometimes Louis can tell it’s difficult for him to disregard his instincts.

Fuck. Sometimes Harry is so ascetic, he’s almost holy. Otherworldly. Louis doesn’t understand how he does it.

 

 

…

 

 

Thirty minutes into the drive to his mum’s house, Louis realizes exactly what he forgot.

It isn’t good. He left a bunch of papers for work in the apartment that Harry is now spending his rut in. The thing is, Louis needs those papers. If he doesn’t want to get fired, at least, and truthfully he’d really rather not be fired.

He doesn’t know what to do, and in his mind there’s only one option. So he turns around in a McDonald’s parking lot and begins the depressing drive all the way back to the apartment. He speeds on the way, not enough to be irresponsible, but definitely enough to warrant a ticket if he got pulled over. He’s hoping he can get back before Harry’s rut starts. Otherwise it’ll all be futile.

When he gets there, he practically runs to the room. Only then does he realize he doesn’t have the key to get in, since he left it inside in order to decrease the temptation of helping an alpha in need. So he’ll have to knock, then, and face a probably very annoyed Harry.

As a last resort he tests the doorknob and is shocked to find the door unlocked. God, he’ll have to lecture Harry later about safety and locking the door. Especially during his rut, though it’s not like an alpha in rut is exactly vulnerable.

All thoughts of future lectures or even conversations with his roommate evade his mind the minute he steps inside. The entire apartment smells heavily like  _ alpha _ , a million times worse than when Louis left. He catches himself inhaling deeply, overtaken by instinct. As soon as he realizes what he’s doing, he clamps a hand over  his nose and mouth and squeezes his eyes shut tightly.

So Harry must’ve been closer to rut than Louis thought. Well, that’s not good, not good at all. It takes a long moment to remember the reason why he came back.

Like a man on a mission, Louis runs through the apartment in search of the papers he needs for work.

On the way to his bedroom, he passes Harry who is asleep on the couch. The sight of him makes Louis stop for a long second.

He has his hand down his trousers, is the thing, like he got off once and didn’t remove it before falling asleep. Louis wonders how he can fall asleep so early in rut, when Louis sleeping during heat is pretty much impossible, and for a minute he feels a heavy wave of envy. It’s quickly placed by arousal at the recognition that the alpha has his hand down his pants, fingers most likely wrapped around his knot, come soaking his t-shirt.

Then he feels guilty for looking at his best friend with hungry eyes, especially without his consent, and he quickly feels horrified by his actions. This causes him to scurry away in search of the papers he needs. He’s hoping Harry will remain sleeping until after Louis leaves.

On the way to his room he stubs his toe on the door and cowers in pain, trying his hardest not to cry out. Every sound is likely to wake Harry, and that’s just an awkward situation Louis prefers to avoid.

Finally he spots the papers he needs, hiding beneath a bunch of miscellaneous items on his desk. He tears through them quickly, checking the heading of each one to make sure they’re all there. He’s missing two pages. The longer he takes to find the missing papers, the more likely Harry is to wake up.

Louis sighs frustratedly and bends over to dig in the bottom drawer of his desk, hoping to find them.

This, as it turns out, is a mistake.

He doesn’t notice someone behind him before it’s too late. He feels possessive hands on his hip, squeezing him tightly and slipping up beneath his shirt, running up and down his skin. Then the heat of something hard pressing directly against his bum.

It makes panic bloom in his chest and he feels trapped.

Louis lets out a whimper when his body inevitably reacts to the imposing presence of an alpha behind him. He relaxes immediately even though he’s internally panicking, and he can feel the slick beginning to leak out of him. It feels so good in a primal way and his inner omega preens with it, satisfied, even though Louis is moments away from a panic attack, his heart drenched in utter fear. He doesn’t mean to sink into the way Harry is grasping his hips so tightly, but it happens and he can’t help it. Submission is a given when an alpha is holding him like this, making him afraid.

His mind is running a mile a minute but still it takes a while for his body to register that he should probably pull away, because his alpha best friend is about ten seconds away from shoving it in him and that would not be good. Louis really, really doesn’t want that right now and if he doesn’t do anything to stop it…

Fuck. Louis is not consenting to this and he may be a submissive omega but there is absolutely no way he’s going to let this happen.

“Harry, stop- Harry!” Louis shrieks, trying to drag the alpha’s hands away from where they’re slipping beneath the waistband of his trousers. Harry is a lot stronger than him though, and he isn’t listening because he’s in that stupid rut-induced haze where all he can think about is sinking his knot in the nearest omega.

Willing or unwilling.

Either Louis lets his best friend violate him, or he does something about this. He feels paralyzed with fear but somehow he manages to carry out his only form of self-preservation, by shrieking in the voice only omegas can use. The voice reserved for exact situations like this, when omegas desperately need people to listen to them.

So he screams. And even as Harry is rutting against him, caging him in with his arms, burying his face in his neck just seconds away from sinking his teeth in, the awful ear-splitting sound causes him to still a little. But he doesn’t release his hold.

“Get the fuck away from me!” Louis shrieks, the sound of all his screaming somehow influencing Harry to loosen his arms enough to let Louis break free. He pulls away, heart hammering in his chest, gathering up all the papers on the desk before bolting out of there.

He doesn’t look back, but he slams the door so hard the entire building shakes.

 

 

…

 

 

It isn’t until he’s on the highway again that he breaks down in tears.

Somehow he managed to keep it together for the first ten minutes of the drive back to his mum’s house, but now the waterworks are coming and he can’t stop the hysteria. It isn’t a good idea to drive when his hands are shaking so badly and he can barely see past the tears, so he puts his blinker on and shits over to the shoulder, coasting to a stop. The danger of parking on the side of the highway is better than the danger of driving while in hysterics. The tears fall freely now.

Slamming his hands against the steering wheel, he breaks out into loud, rasping sobs that sound like messy screams of pain. He curls up into a ball, wrapping his knees close to his chest, and cries, trembling the entire time. He has never been so afraid in his entire life and it’s sick to think that all of it was caused by his best friend.

Fuck. Louis never should’ve gone back to the apartment, even when he direly needed the papers. He knew Harry’s rut was soon but still he went, blindly entering the apartment and not even thinking that Harry would wake up and  _ assault _ him.

_ Oh god, oh fuck, _ Louis thinks worriedly, gasping out panicked breaths of air.  _ This is so bad. So, so bad. _

He knows Harry didn’t mean to do it, and he wouldn’t have if he wasn’t ruled by hormones and that driving need to fuck someone, anyone. But does the lack of intent make it any less awful? All it does it take some of the blame from Harry, forcing it on Louis. Harry still touched him without his consent and even if it was Louis’ fault, it was still assault, and Louis is still shaking with fear. He has no idea what to do or if he will ever be okay again. There’s nothing more traumatizing than the fear that an alpha was going to take and take and take from him, no matter how badly Louis didn’t want him to.

Louis opens the door, stumbling out and around the car to hunch over, hands on his knees. He gags for a while before finally puking up nothing but spit and stomach bile. Harry’s rut always makes him feel slightly nauseous in the beginning of it, because his inner omega is so desperate to help him out. Now, after the close call of almost being violated, it’s easy for him to lean over and empty the contents of his stomach on the side of the road.

Wiping the gross spit off his lips with the back of his hand, he crouches down and hopes it’ll make the world stop spinning. It doesn’t, but it was worth a shot. When he stands up again, more than five minutes later, he feels marginally better. Okay enough to start driving, at least.

He has to stop two more times on the way to his mum’s house to catch his breath and try to stop the spinning. The second time he stops, he’s at a gas station, so he parks near the store and goes inside to ask for the bathroom key.

The bathroom is gross and grimy like any gas station bathroom, and he tries not to touch anything he doesn’t need to while he’s in there. He brought a pair of joggers to change into because the pair he had been wearing before are damp with slick, and smell like alpha arousal. The mixture of scents makes him shiver and he briefly considers throwing the joggers away or flushing them down the toilet, but he refrains.

The mirror is shattered in the corner, a large crack spiderwebbing up the side, but it doesn’t obscure his vision enough to not be able to see his jaded expression. He looks exhausted but on edge, with the way his eyes are wide and rimmed red from all the crying. No wonder the man working behind the counter was looking at him strangely.

When he hands the key back to the guy at the counter, Louis can barely meet his eyes. He’s so embarrassed and ashamed, and he can’t help but feel like he’s totally overreacting. Still, Harry almost… Harry almost took something that wasn’t his. Something that Louis didn’t give him permission to have.

It’s a fear every omega has, being forced and used against their will. He thinks about it all the time when he’s walking alone, or when an A is leering him with that hungry, violating look. Usually whenever he has Harry with him he feels a million times safer, because he thought Harry would never hurt him…

Now Louis sees he had been wrong. Harry may be a relatively “good alpha” but that wasn’t stopping him from caging Louis in and not letting him go. He’s ruled by biology just like the rest of them, and even though it was technically during a moment of weakness, it’s frightening enough for Louis to second-guess their entire friendship of nearly two decades.

“Everything alright, omega?” The man behind the counter asks, so obviously an alpha. His stature and ease of carrying himself gives him away. Louis should be worried that this stranger knows he’s an omega, since he tries so desperately to hide it, but right now he can’t be bothered to care. He has bigger issues on his mind.

“Just fine,” Louis responds, handing back the key and shifting on his feet.

“Need to borrow a phone?”

“I’ve got it all covered. Thanks though.”

It takes him way longer than it should to get home, but he needs to be certain he won’t burst into tears the moment his mum asks him how he’s been. In fact he’d prefer for her to not find out at all.

She finds out anyways, of course, because as mothers are, she’s quite perceptive. She doesn’t confront him right away, but Louis feels her inquisitive eyes on him the entire time he greets his younger siblings with hugs and tickles. It feels good to be home, but his body is still keyed up from the very close call with Harry, and he’s certain she can tell how tense he is.

He finds out that Fizzy presented as an omega last month, and they share a moment of omega solidarity, bonding over how much it sucks to be an O. Louis cringes to think of something like what happened between him and Harry today happening to his younger sister. He has no idea how to prevent it. He wishes it wasn’t a possibility at all.

It’s just after dinner when Louis is cleaning up the dishes that his mum pulls him aside to talk. She doesn’t beat around the bush and instead inquires immediately.

“You smell like alpha.” It isn’t a question.

“Makes sense, I live with one.”

“You smell like sex.”

Louis winces, resuming his scrubbing at the grease on the pan. “Harry’s rut started today.” From the corner of his eye he can see his mum frowning.

“I’m aware. Doesn’t explain why you smell so much like him.”

“We didn’t do anything,” Louis argues, scrubbing harder at the pan.

His mum doesn’t say anything, obviously waiting for him to continue.

He knows his mum will stand there all night waiting for him to tell her. And besides, he’s never not upfront with her, no matter the topic. So he adds, “I didn’t let him do anything.”

“Louis…”

The omega shrugs, rinsing the pan off and setting it on the towel to dry once all the soap is gone. “It was my fault, so I can’t be mad at him.”

“What happened, baby?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m exhausted. I’m fine now, though, okay, so please don’t worry. We’re missing the movie.”

“Louis,” His mum warns again, but the omega is already escaping to the sanctuary of the living room where he she can’t pester him with anymore questions.

…

“If you don’t tell me what happened, I’m going to ask Harry.”

She’s definitely bluffing.

“You’re not going to talk to Harry.”

“I will if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong. And besides, you already know what happened.”

“No, I don’t, Louis, so tell me before I have to go hunt Harry down.”

“He’s in rut.”

“Doesn’t matter. If he hurt my baby, he’s dead.”

The thing is, Louis’ mum loves Harry. She thinks he’s an angel on earth. They’re both alphas, too, so they’ve always had that in common which inevitably gives them a greater understanding of each other. Sometimes Louis thinks his mum understands Harry more than she understands Louis who is her actual son.

Besides, she knows how much trust Louis and Harry have built together during their two decades of friendship, so usually she never really worries about her omega son spending an exorbitant amount of time with an alpha his age. Living with him, even.

“You love him too much, mum.”

“Doesn’t matter,” She repeats. “If he hurts you, he’s dead.”

“Well, lucky for him he didn’t hurt me. He just… yeah.”

“He just what, Louis? Did he try to pressure you into staying with him? Did he-”

“Not exactly,” Louis mutters.

“What happened, then, baby? Tell me please. It’s okay.”

Louis sighs, giving in. It was bound to happen eventually. Inevitable. “I was almost here when I realized I left all my important papers for work so I turned around and had to go back. I thought I could sneak in without him noticing.”

“Oh Lou…”

“But yeah, I was wrong, so. Luckily he listened when I started screaming but… For a while I was afraid he wasn’t going to let me go.”

Jay frowns sadly at him and opens her arms wide, letting him sink into her comforting embrace. He breathes in the scent of his alpha mother, the scent he has known all his life. The scent that will always remind him of home and comfort him.

It’s nice; he really has needed this. There’s a big difference between cuddling his alpha mother and cuddling his alpha roommate. Harry makes Louis nervous, makes his skin crawl with something that feels suspiciously like desire or even need. Despite how safe Harry makes Louis feel, coaxing him into meek submission with an affectionate hand on the back of his neck, there’s something underlying about it all that thrums within his veins. The difference is that all Louis feels when he hugs his mum is the warmth of utter protection.

“Maybe you should move out,” His mum suggests in a failed but hopeful attempt to be helpful.

Louis rolls his eyes. “You know I would never do that. We love each other too much to not live together.”

“I know, baby. But when are you going to do when he gets a bondmate?”

“Dunno. Die, probably.”

The truth is, the thought of Harry finally finding a bondmate is something that keeps Louis awake into the late hours of the night, tossing and turning with omega insomnia. The fucky thing is that alphas rarely ever have trouble with rest and never get insomnia—they sleep like the dead. Omegas are just the opposite, nearly fated to years of restless nights until they get too old enough to be fertile anymore, their hormones diminishing just like their societal based-worth. Just another reason why being an omega sucks.

That isn’t the point though; the point is that Louis loses sleep every time he thinks about the inevitable truth that Harry will find someone to bond with and it won’t be Louis. Not that Louis necessarily wants to be his bondmate, but he just can’t imagine living in an apartment without his best friend. Every single time this scenario crawls its way into his mind, Louis wonders if maybe he and Harry could work something out where Louis could move in with Harry and his bondmate. Maybe as a servant or something. Anything. He wouldn’t mind the work if it meant he didn’t have to be separated from Harry.

Louis knows he’s being ridiculous and that’s why whenever these thoughts intrude, he’s quick to shove them away.  _ Grow the fuck up! _ He screams to himself silently.  _ Stop acting like a helpless omega who can’t live without an alpha! You’re pathetic! _

Harry dates a lot but he never seems to find an omega he likes enough to keep around for more than a few weeks. Louis always has this stupid sense of self-satisfaction whenever Harry comes home crestfallen from another failed date.

Yet the stupid sense of self-satisfaction completely crumbles on the rare occasion Harry actually enjoys the omega’s company enough to stay the night at theirs. When he returns in the morning wearing last night’s clothes and reeking of sex, Louis always locks himself in the bathroom to cry in the shower where he’s only sort of sure Harry can’t hear him sobbing. He always hopes the splatter of the water against the tub is enough to muffle the sound, but then again it probably doesn’t.

Yet Harry definitely doesn’t notice how sad it makes the omega because he never fails to talk to freely of his late night escapades, describing in great detail exactly how amazing a tight omega felt around his knot. Such an alpha thing to do, speaking so brazenly about sex, even to someone who has absolutely no experience whatsoever and blushes at the thought. Louis nods along and makes exactly the appropriate comments a best friend of two decades who decidedly does not have a crush on his best friend, thank you very much, would make.

Louis is very good at pretending to be someone he isn’t.

Those times when he cries in the shower are really the only moments when he allows himself to truly accept that he may like Harry a bit more than a friend. But only because of biology. It’s a definite understatement and it usually takes Louis all of thirty seconds to admit to himself that he’s fucking in love with his best friend and he probably has been for the last decade. He doesn’t like to think about it because there’s nothing he could do about it, no way Harry would even think to consider Louis like that. They’re so close, they’re practically siblings. Which definitely does not explain the way Louis feels about Harry.

Louis is on the verge of tears right now, and he’s absolutely certain he smells exactly as sad as he feels. If he stays here a moment longer, his mum will notice it. The omega very carefully detaches himself from her arms and gives her a weak smile.

“Thanks,” He mutters, wanting to add something reassuring like  _ I feel a lot better now _ , but it would be a lie so he doesn’t even make an attempt at convincing her.

Within the next half hour he finds himself leaning up against the tiled wall of the shower of his childhood. His eyes are closed but hot tears are leaking out anyways. He feels so stupid.

Of course the boring ugly omega—who is abhorrently bad at being an omega—would have fall in love with one of the most amazing alphas in the world. Louis is keenly aware of why it’s called a crush (though it’s more like unrequited love at this point). Crushes are named so because they are absolutely devastating. Crushing. It feels like Harry is taking a sledgehammer and smashing Louis’ heart to a tattered pulp. Not pleasant.

And to top it all off, Louis is probably the worst omega on the face of the earth. He rarely defers to authority, always speaks out of turn, and generally is never caring enough or sweet enough or lovely enough to warrant the term  _ omega _ . Meanwhile, Harry is the perfect A.

Harry is so good at being an alpha, it makes Louis burn with envy. He’s strong, charismatic, eloquent, protective, empathetic, and so on. He has all the qualities for a perfect leader and Louis thinks that if they lived back during the times when packs existed, Harry would definitely hold a leadership position. Meanwhile Louis would be one of the lowest omegas who would have to beg someone to even consider bonding him since he’s so bad at being an omega.

Whatever. Louis is being dramatic, but the point is that usually he doesn’t like to admit to himself that he likes his best friend a lot more than he should. Continually he tries to convince himself that whatever feelings he has are only based on biology, but he isn’t stupid enough to beleive that’s true. Apparently all it took was a very scary moment where rut-drunk Harry was going to force Louis to be with him to make Louis first realize that he has a tremendous fear of rape and secondly that while he may have definitely  _ not  _ wanted Harry inside him then, he wouldn’t mind it in the future when they would both be able to consent. Right. It’s kind of really fucking fucked up.

So Louis may or may not be crazy. He blames it on hormones, and Harry’s rut messing with his head. Or maybe just rut in general. Mating season is awful for unbonded omegas who have no prospects in society. Mainly Louis just feels super keyed up and anxious the entire time, until the summer comes and relieves him of the stress that comes from constantly worrying about being assaulted by a rut-drunk alpha. Which, isn’t that what happened between him and Harry?

He needs to stop thinking about it. For real. It’s messing with his head.

By some great miracle, Louis manages to pull himself out of the shower before he completely breaks down. He’ll save that for later, he thinks, as he wraps up in a towel and ambles down the hallway. A breakdown scheduled right before bed, so he can cry himself to sleep and wake up in the morning with puffy red-rimmed eyes and salt streaks down his cheeks.

Perfect.

 

 

…

 

 

The week spent with his family is both torturously long and breathlessly short.

He enjoys the time as much as he can when he feels as awful as he does, physically and emotionally. It’s a relief to see his mum and siblings after so long, and he finds solace in their welcoming company. Yet the entire seven days he can’t help but feel this ugly, painful longing in his heart.

It’s mostly biology that makes him feel this way, but he knows there’s this ugly part of his heart that keeps singing the word  _ love  _ over and over again like a broken record. His inner omega wants to go back to the apartment because it knows Harry is there, and it keeps screaming at him to  _ go back to Alpha! _ with the letter A capitalized and everything, for emphasis and to show that Harry isn’t just any alpha, but  _ Louis’ _ alpha. Or so Louis’ inner omega likes to think.

On the last day he hugs his family goodbye before getting in his car and driving away, feeling only slightly less exhausted than he did before the week even began. A lot has been weighing on his mind recently and he had been hoping the sojourn to visit his family would remedy the ache in his heart, but it has failed to do so in almost every facet and extent.

The drive back home is both long and short, just like his mini vacation, but mostly Louis just tries to pass the time by listening to the playlist on his phone titled very appropriately “Stop moping.” The intent is to sing along and enjoy some of the more upbeat songs, but he really just isn’t into it.

The truth is that Louis kind of really just wants to find Harry and then promptly sink into his arms and never leave the alpha’s warm embrace ever again. The only time Louis ever feels truly whole and sane and okay is when Harry is holding him close. And if that isn’t fucked up, Louis doesn’t know what is.

By the time he knocks on the door for Harry to let him in, his hands are shaking from half excitement and half dread. Actually, now that he thinks about it, it might be a lot more dread than excitement. He loathes the thought of facing Harry again but at the same time it’s all he’s been dreaming about.

No one answers the door. Louis feels a spike of fear when he considers that maybe Harry is still in rut for some reason. Even though the omega part of Louis likes the idea of being here for that, the rest of him would really prefer not to repeat the previous incident that almost ended very, very badly.

So by habit he reaches to test the doorknob and finds, to his dismay, that the door is unlocked. So much for safety and security then. Louis doesn’t like the thought of his best friend being left unprotected in a vulnerable. He really needs to start writing the speech he plans on giving to Harry about the importance of locking the goddamn door.

What he doesn’t expect, of course, is to come back to an empty apartment.

Huh. That’s weird. Usually Harry lounges around for the days subsequent to his rut, sleeping and eating a lot but not doing much else. He detests leaving the apartment so soon after his rut and he doesn’t really like it when Louis leaves either, so they stockpile food and cuddle on the couch watching movies all day, work and classes be damned. Technically Louis gets ten days of vacation each year during mating season because most omegas are mated. Especially the ones who work in offices, though not many omegas work at all. Most of them are homemakers. Louis has never found himself to be a homemaker. He wonders if that’s why he’s such a bad omega.

Not that Louis’ work knows he’s an omega, of course. He has lied about his secondary gender on too many official documents to count. But betas get time off during mating season too, since some of them are mated to alphas. It’s a very alpha-oriented world, Louis must admit. Mating season would be a national holiday if it didn’t last all spring.

The entire apartment smells almost assaultingly like alpha arousal. It should be gross, but Louis can’t help himself when he inhales deeply, feeling tingles of pleasure throughout his body. There’s the scent of a coniferous forest, the pine needles of evergreens so potent it’s almost as if they’re tangible. On top of it all is the vague lacing of smoke and embers, like burning firewood. It’s so intoxicating, Louis gets lost in it for a long while.

He follows the scent mindlessly, through the foyer, through the living room, through the kitchen and the hall. He’s barely even looking when he pushes open the door to his own bedroom.

Again, he doesn’t expect what he finds behind the door.

An alpha, Harry of course, curled up on his bed. Bundled beneath the sheets. Sound asleep, softly snoring, and gloriously naked. Harry’s scent is most potent here, in  _ Louis’ _ bedroom—which means that Louis’ scent is here too, swirling around and intermixing, creating a perfume so mouthwatering Louis sees stars. The aroma of  _ alpha and omega, together _ , is dizzying.

This has never happened before, is the thing. Usually after rut, Harry is found lying on the couch, or snuggled into his own bed. Or in the shower. Or the kitchen. Literally anywhere else other than Louis’ room.

Louis stares, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, in shock.

He must stand there for a long while. His scent must be quite noticeable too, since it rouses Harry from his deep sleep.

Harry sits up and rubs at his eyes, like a sleepy kitten. Then sheets of  _ Louis’ _ bed fall down to expose the wide expanse of his torso, stretches of pale skin marred by eccentrically Harry-like tattoos. Louis is frozen in place.

“Oh, hello.”

His voice is deep and worn, either from sleep or rut or maybe just both. The thing is, it’s insanely hot. Louis doesn’t mean for it to happen but he can feel the slick beginning to leak out of him, and he would be cringing right now if he wasn’t so frozen in shock from seeing his alpha best friend snuggled up in his bed, sniffing Louis’ pillow in his sleep.

“Hi-“ Louis squeaks. He had been going for much more of a calm, collected tone, yet his voice betrayed him, shaking even on the single syllable. Again, if he wasn’t so frozen, he would smack himself in the face for appearing so obviously affected by a very attractive alpha, naked in the omega’s bed. Given the situation, Louis thinks he’s handling it adequately. Better omegas have definitely fainted in situations such as these. Louis takes his valiant act of decidedly not fainting as a job well done. Though his knees do feel quite wobbly right now.

“Ummm-“

“What are you doing in my bed?” Louis blurts out.

Harry squeezes his eyes shut like he’s in pain, and he sits there in silence for a long while. Louis just stares at this big strong alpha sitting naked in his bed, and breathes in his stupidly ambrosial alpha scent. Finally Harry voices what they’re both certainly thinking, muttering, “Shit.”

Shit is right. Louis means to say it out loud but he can’t find his voice.

“Fuck. I’m so sorry.”

The omega stands there dumbly, in the entryway of his own bedroom which now smells almost exclusively like alpha. He doesn’t know how he’ll ever live normally again, after this fiasco is over. He also wonders if he’ll ever be able to look Harry in the eyes again. Both possibilities seem unlikely.

“Uhh, I think we need to talk…”

But Harry is already clambering out of bed, taking one of Louis’ pillows with him to cover his crotch. “Can we- I need to get dressed.” Before Louis has a chance to form a second coherent sentence, Harry is blowing past him with only the damn pillow to save him any dignity.

Louis spends the in-between time wandering out to the hallway and then eventually finding his way to the kitchen. He debates making tea but decides against it, instead pulling a water bottle out from the fridge and sitting down at the kitchen table with the cold plastic between his hands, condensation wetting his palms.

When Harry returns, dressed this time, he tentatively sits down across from Louis. He’s wearing sweatpants and a ratty band t-shirt, his hair a rumpled mess. Somehow he pulls off the disheveled look and it kind of irritates Louis with how effortlessly handsome Harry is. He doesn’t even have to try.

They don’t say anything for a while. Louis curls his arms around himself in a defensive stance and looks down at the table, waiting for Harry to make the first move. Harry stares across the table at Louis unabashedly, not even trying to hide his scrutinizing gaze. It makes Louis feel woozy.

As it turns out, after an awful span of time that feels a lot longer than it actually is, they speak up. Both of them. At the same time.

“I can explain-“

“What do you remember-“

“What?” They both say at exactly the same time as well.

Louis cringes, closing his eyes for strength and motioning forward with his arms. “You go first.”

“Sorry- Okay. Um. Well. I don’t really know where to start.”

“What were you going to explain then?”

“How I ended up in your bed, I guess.”

“I was wondering that,” Louis admits, and then waves his hand dismissively. “But I get it. I’m not stupid. Alpha in rut likes the smell of omegas, omega’s bed smells like omega. I get it.”

“Right. Okay. Sorry about that. I definitely crossed a line and I understand if you’re mad at me. I won’t do it again, I promise.”

Louis sucks in a deep breath for courage, trying to figure out how he got into this mess. It may or may not be the fact that six years ago he decided to continue rooming with his alpha best friend even after he presented as an O. “You’re forgiven—I’m not mad. Why would I be mad?”

“I just… I dunno. I know it’s really weird since we’re friends and all. I’m sorry.”

The omega eyes him wearily, feeling more nauseous as the minutes go by. “Harry… How much do you remember?”

The alpha’s brows immediately furrow in a mix of confusion and concentration, “Of my rut? Not much.”

“Not even the beginning?”

“No… Why? What happened? Did something… Did I- Did I do something?”

For a second Louis considers not telling Harry and pretending everything is fine. In fact, this is a fantasy he has been imagining in his mind over and over again for the past week. But Louis isn’t stupid enough to think it’s the right way to go about this. Harry needs to know. And Louis needs to break it to him easily, especially considering Harry’s current state which is quite fragile since he’s still pretty hopped up on an excess of hormones from his rut.

Louis would really rather not be having this conversation right now, but there’s nothing he can do about it. He tries his hardest to just get it out. Once the words are in the air, it’ll be out of his hands.

“You… You just- Um. I left all my papers for work here, in my room. I was really stupid so I decided to come back after I left to get them. And you were kind of… yeah.”

Harry looks horrified. “Kind of  _ what _ ?” He gasps, breathless.

Louis covers his face in his hands, mortified. His hands are shaking and he can’t get them to stop no matter how hard he tries. He sucks in a deep, airy breath. Well then. Better just to say it. “You were napping on the couch when I came in so I thought I was in the clear. I was getting the papers when you- you came up behind me. And, yeah.”

“And what?” Harry whispers, like a little kid at a campfire waiting for the punchline of the ghost story. He knows it’ll upset him but he still wants Louis to say it.

“Nothing happened,” Louis assures quickly, not particularly fond of watching all the awful emotions flashing over Harry’s face in quick succession. “Not really, I guess. You just, um. You were very insistent? So I had to- Well, I kind of had to shriek at you just a little bit. But you let go immediately without even biting me. So I consider that as a win, I guess.”

Harry looks pale as a ghost, all the blood drained from his face. It isn’t a good look on him, though he still is beautiful as always. Just, with his face starch white and all, he looks worried and anxious, though expressionless. Voice toneless, he asks, “Did I really?”

Regrettably, Louis nods. “It’s okay though. It’s definitely on me because I was the one stupid enough to come back even though I knew you were in rut.”

“What do you mean it’s okay?!” The alpha shrieks, slamming a hand down on the table. The sound reverberates through the otherwise silent flat, making Louis flinch. “It’s definitely not okay!”

“I know, I’m so stupid, I’m sorry, I just-“

“No! This is all my fault, Lou. Oh my god. I’m  _ awful _ . I’m a- I’m- I-“

Tears are leaking out of Louis’ eyes now and he can’t verbalize the exact reason why. He’s sick of crying, though. So sick of it. He reaches out across the table and sets his hand gently down on top of Harry’s, whose fingers feel cold and shaky just like Louis’. They warm up together, the touch comforting both of them. Louis knows it calms Harry a little because his shoulders relax ever so slightly. Yet the clench in his jaw remains.

“Harry, it’s okay. Seriously. Let’s just move past it, yeah? I understand. I don’t blame you. Let’s just move past it.”

“Okay,” Harry sniffles finally, and it’s only now that Louis realizes the alpha is crying.

Louis doesn’t like to see his best friend cry. Now, Louis’ inner omega  _ really _ doesn’t like to see an alpha cry. Together, the two parts of him encourage him to stand up, approach Harry, and crawl into his lap before Harry has time to protest too much. Louis throws his arms around the alpha’s neck and leans in really close, licking the tears off Harry’s face.

It’s an omega thing, licking tears away. Omegas also lick at wounds, whether their own wounds or someone else’s. It’s instinct to do so, caring for the people they love in one of the only ways they may know. So Louis does it now, because he doesn’t know what else to do.

Harry lets him. He sits there still and silent, eyes closed, and lets Louis lick his tears away. Only once Louis pulls back, satisfied with his work and the fact that the alpha isn’t crying anymore, does Harry look at him again, face damp and shiny with Louis’ spit.

“I’m sorry. I would never- I would never do that to you. But I guess I did.”

“I forgive you. It’s okay. I promise it’s okay.”

“I hurt you.”

Louis shakes his head, still perched on his lap, caressing Harry’s face in his hands. He can’t help it. This is his best friend of nearly two decades and they’ve been through everything together. He doesn’t want this one stupid mishap to tear them apart. “You didn’t hurt me.”

“I scared you.”

“A little.”

“You thought I wasn’t going to let you go. And why would you? God-“

“Harry, stop. It’s fine. Let’s just- Let’s not talk about it anymore, okay? You need to rest. I know you’re exhausted. Have you eaten yet?”

He shakes his head, no.

Louis kisses him reassuringly on the forehead, like an omega mother to her child, and stands up, crossing the kitchen to find a sizeable pan. He plans to make soup for the two of them to share.

 

 

…

 

 

Doused in miserable silence, they eat the soup Louis makes. He follows the same recipe it always does but for some reason today it tastes bland, flavorless. It makes Louis nauseous. The warmth of the bowl on his hands is nice, but that’s as far as the artificial comfort stretches.

Harry stares at the table for a long while with a blank expression on his face, before standing up and declaring he’ll clean the dishes. Usually Louis would offer to help, but he bites his tongue this time and figures Harry could use some alone time. They both could.

They spend the night dancing around each other and having no idea what to say. Eventually Louis decides to just go to bed, praying everything will be back to normal tomorrow. He misses the easy equilibrium he and Harry have shared for years. Suddenly it feels as if that balance has been shattered to shards, and now their entire world is off kilter.

Except the problem is that he can’t sleep. The omega is exhausted from the emotionally draining week, and he could really a good eight hours of rest; yet he finds himself staring at the dark ceiling for what feels like hours.

The thing is, he just can’t shake that disgruntled sensation of his skin crawling. Whenever he thinks about the alpha in the other room, tingles scatter up his spine causing him to shiver.

It doesn’t help that his entire bed smells like alpha. Like Harry. He had meant to wash the sheets before going trying to sleep, but he was too exhausted, and now that he’s trying to fall asleep he finds it impossible. Especially encased in Harry’s scent like this, so earthy and woodsy.

_ Fuck _ , Louis thinks desperately, like he always does when he’s so overwhelmed with everything.

After a long while more of staring at the shadowy ceiling and trying not to enjoy Harry’s potent scent too much, he stumbles out of bed and down the hall towards the kitchen in search of a glass of water.

He doesn’t make it quite that far.

Harry is stepping out of the bathroom right as Louis passes, and it scares Louis so much he screams “Shit!” and practically jumps out of his skin. Holding a heart to his rapidly beating heart, he backs up and leans against the wall to calm down.

“God, sorry, didn’t mean to do that.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Louis waves it off, his breathing labored from just having the crap scared out of him by his roommate appearing unexpectedly. His roommate who may or may not have groped Louis’ ass a week prior, and then may or may not have proceeded to sleep in Louis’ bed during rut.

“Seriously though, are you okay?” Harry reaches out and sets his big hand on Louis’ bicep like it’ll help calm him down. If anything, it exacerbates the situation. The spot where the alpha makes contact with Louis’ bare skin is tingling.

“Fine, I promise.”

He alpha stares at him a moment longer, his green eyes dark in the dim lighting. He looks concerned, worried, and calculating, with the way he’s observing Louis so intently. Louis knows at once this is about more than just startling him by opening the bathroom door when he wasn’t expecting it.

“Are you really okay though?”

“Harry, I already-“

He’s cut off by the alpha leaning forward and wrapping his arms around him, encompassing him in a tight hug. It feels better than it should, warm and lovely in a million ways. It shouldn’t be either of those things but of course it is, because this is Harry, and Louis has always loved Harry a lot more than he should.

Louis can’t help but sink into it, calming down infinitely. Call it what you will, submission and deference from being an omega, maybe, but it doesn’t matter. He can’t help but feel safe in Harry’s arms, encompassed by his potent woodsy after-rut scent. It has always been this way.

In a simple embrace, the week’s stresses melt away, fading to the background. Louis finds himself unable to understand why he was so worried earlier in the day. He knows Harry never meant to scare him. He knows Harry would never hurt him.

_ Except he almost did _ , the rational part of his mind whispers. Louis sighs audibly and pushes the controversial thought from his mind. He knows it isn’t right, but it feels much easier to push the earlier discomfort from his mind, in favor of very subtly nuzzling into the crook of Harry’s neck and breathing in his warm alpha scent.

He doesn’t remember how it happens. One second they’re hugging in the hallway, and the next moment they’re in Louis’ room, with Harry herding him to the bed. Louis goes willingly, complying like he always does but with the underlying reason being his deep affection for Harry. Louis would do anything for him, if only he asked. Partly because he’s omega and partly because of other reasons altogether. He doesn’t like to think about those other reasons.

Louis falls back onto the mattress and Harry presses him into it, practically climbing on top of him to get beneath the covers. They snuggle close but don’t touch aside from their knees bumping together. The distance between them is perfectly platonic. The fact that they’re sharing a bed that smells like both of them together isn’t.

“We need to talk,” says Harry, into the darkness.

Louis doesn’t want to. He knows they need to. But they already tried talking before and it didn’t work. “Okay,” He whispers anyways. Incapable of saying no to Harry as always.

“I’ll start,” Harry proclaims, propping his head up on his hand. In the darkness, Louis can barely make out his outline. “Okay, so, I know I fucked up a lot of things and crossed boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. I apologize deeply, and I hope we- I hope we can move past it, but I don’t want you to just blindly forgive me or anything. I… You know how rut is, but it isn’t an excuse. It’s just… I don’t know. It’s so hard to explain.”

“It’s okay,” Louis says gently, encouraging him to continue.

“It’s like I understand what I’m doing, but I don’t fully process it, and I can only think about… about knotting someone. And you, god, you smell so good, so like, it’s usually good because I’m surrounded by your scent even when you’re not here, because the entire goddamn apartment smells like you. Which I like. But I guess like, with you here, I couldn’t contain myself, and I’m sorry. I really really regret it. I don’t remember much but I definitely remember recognizing your scent and- It’s just all a muddled mess but I’m so sorry for touching you. I didn’t mean to scare you. I don’t know how to prevent it in the future aside from not being near you during rut, but I’ll make sure it never happens again. I promise.”

“Okay. Like I said, it’s fine. It’s mostly my fault anyways. I know not to go near alphas during mating season, okay? So most of it is on me. I shouldn’t have come back. I knew it wasn’t a good idea at the time but I still did it.”

“No, it’s definitely- Nothing is your fault, Lou. None of it’s your fault.”

“A lot of it is though H. I know it is, and it’s fine, let’s just move past it yeah? We don’t have to worry about that for another year now, okay? Everything can just go back to normal now. Let’s just go back to the way things used to be before everything got weird.”

Harry sighs audibly, looking relieved even in the darkness. “Are you sure?”

“Positive. Now cuddle me, yeah? I think we could both use the affection. And the sleep.”

After a bit of shuffling around, they find a comfortable position and bid each other goodnight. They’re both on their sides, Louis the little spoon with Harry’s heavy arms wrapped around him, holding him close. Harry’s nose is buried in the back of his neck and it should feel too intimate for friends but it doesn’t. It just… Despite the uncertainty swimming in his stomach, to Louis it just feels perfect.

While they’ve definitely slept together in the same bed before, during their almost two decades of friendship, they’ve never slept together quite like this. Wrapped up and curled around each other, no space between them, nowhere to identify where one begins and the other ends.

 

It’s meant for the comfort and warmth of holding each other and knowing that the other is there, that the other is safe. In the back of his mind he knows they shouldn’t be doing this. There’s no way to justify it. But it feels too good to pull himself away.

  
…

  
  
They remain together throughout the night, and wake up entangled.

Louis is awake first, while Harry is still sleeping like the dead. He has to pee, but he’s caged in by the alpha’s arms pressing heavily around his middle, a warm palm flat on his tummy, and he finds he can’t move. He struggles around in Harry’s arms for a moment, which only hold him tighter, before he gives up.

Deciding to just wait it out until Harry gets up, Louis closes his eyes enjoys the encompassing warmth he’s been experiencing all night. It would be stifling if it didn’t feel so comforting. If his body didn’t crave it.

Harry’s face is pressed to the back of his neck, his nose right against the spot on his neck that will someday have a bond mark, where his scent is most potent. The alpha has been breathing him in all night, using Louis’ pheromones to calm himself after rut. It’s the same as how Louis always deeply enjoys Harry’s scent after heat, and Harry is kind enough to cuddle him and let him bury his face in his neck.

It makes something prickle beneath his skin though, to know Harry enjoys the scent of him enough to breathe it in all night. They’re friends, but then… But then.

But then Louis can’t justify why they’re in bed together as if they’re bonded.

Harry is hard, Louis can feel it, pressing against his bum. Harry will probably wake up and freak out because they shouldn’t be doing this right now no matter how much Louis’ omega wants to press against the space between them until it disappears completely. He can’t bring himself to feel uncomfortable; there’s this part of him that’s so satisfied to have an alpha sleeping behind him, holding him close, obviously turned on even in his sleep. There’s this part of him that’s turned on too.

So even though Louis has to pee, and even though his pants are damp with slick, and even though his face is hot with embarrassment, he closes his eyes and tries to relax. It’s easier than it should be.

He falls asleep again, and when he wakes up, he’s alone.

  
  


…

 

For the next few days, everything is different.

Harry acts very cold and detached, and Louis can’t understand why. He avoids Louis at all costs and apparently can’t find it within himself to even say more than a few measly words to Louis at one time. He becomes busier than he’s ever been, just for the probable sake of avoiding their shared flat.

Louis doesn’t know what he did wrong. He thought they had sorted everything out the night he returned from his mum’s, but apparently not. When Louis woke up for the second time that morning, the bed was empty and the sound of the shower running rang softly through the otherwise quiet apartment. It was Harry, of course, and when he returned from the bathroom his cheeks were petal pink and he looked embarrassed, acting awkwardly.

After that, things only got worse. Harry kept his lips shut tight when Louis began prodding him, asking what was wrong and trying to squeeze an answer out of him. He didn’t push very hard, and gave up too easily, but he couldn’t stop the sinking feeling in his gut that meant that it was his own fault Harry was so troubled.

So many doubts began to run through his mind, fears and anxieties accumulating like the snow outside. He knew he had messed up somewhere along the line, upsetting the alpha enough to make him awkward and uncomfortable in his presence, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out his mistake.

Now, days later, he sits on the couch staring blankly at the TV. Harry is holed up in his room which is so unlike him, but becoming more of a habit the past few days. Louis rings out his hands and tries not to think about every mistake he’s ever made in his entire life, wondering if any of them are the reasons why Harry hates him.

The thing is, it’s tearing his omega apart. Having the alpha he adores so dearly just completely pull away from him and turn cold is making his stomach churn uncomfortably. The feeling manifests as actual physical pain, making him sick. He doesn’t know how to stop it.

  
  


…

  
  
It’s difficult to ignore the fact that something has changed between them.

They’re out now, Harry and Louis, at a bar together with their friends. Louis is drowned in scent-neutralizing spray, trying his best to act normal even though his inner omega is ecstatic knowing he smells like Harry, days later, even as much as he needs to cover it up. Luckily, their friends haven’t noticed anything. At least he hopes they haven’t.

Their entire group is halfway to drunkeness and Louis is fine with that. If he’s being honest, he really needed a night out to forget about the maelstrom of confusion in his mind.

He doesn’t know what he wants anymore and that’s scary. It used to be that he wished for anonymity and a normal life, to flawlessly assimilate into the beta gender even though at his core he was an outsider. He just wanted for his gender to not play a role in determining any path of his life, any part of his future.

Pretending to be a beta was a hassle and one of the ways it really affected his life was that it made it near impossible to date. He was limited to only betas, since scenters could probably smell the omega on him if they got close enough to him, but even then he could never have a sexual relationship with any of the betas he dated, because there’s no chance in hell that they wouldn’t notice his omega anatomy and understand at once what it meant.

So Louis was resigned to going on boring, failed dates with betas and then disappointing them when he inevitably didn’t want anything more than a kiss, but even that was pushing it. Louis’ virginity is still intact at age twenty-five, which isn’t necessarily common for omegas, since they’re expected to remain pure until they find their bondmate.

It makes it difficult for him on nights like this, though, when all of his friends are chatting up and finding people to go home with. He likes going out, getting drunk, and dancing in the crowd, but it’s always annoying and disheartening having to turn down everyone who hits on him. He just wishes it were simple for once, that he could let a cute alpha take him home to have some fun.

For now, though, he knocks back another drink before losing himself in the crowd of sweaty bodies. He usually likes dancing with friends, but tonight they’re all occupied with potential mates and he’d rather not be a third wheel to anyone’s couple.

There’s something special about dancing alone, anyways. Something liberating. As the heavy bass of the music thrums through his veins, sending tingles to the marrow of his bones, he lifts his arms above his head and sways to the beat, eyes closed, the sensation of sticky, glowing skin of strangers’ against his own. He feels good, he looks good, he would smell good if he wasn’t wearing neutralizing perfume…

One moment he’s alone in the crowded swarm of faceless people, and next there’s a body pressed against his back, warm and strong. Louis tips his head back to the stranger’s shoulder, enjoying the feeling, and breathes him in. Definitely alpha, then.

Ruled by omega instinct, Louis sinks into the unfamiliar man’s hold. The alpha’s arms wrap around his waist, caressing his hips reverently. Louis presses his bum back, laughing lightly when the guy groans in pleasure in his ear, laughing too, having fun.

They dance together for a while. If Louis closes his eyes and doesn’t think about it, he can pretend he’s in a different world. A place where he isn’t afraid to be himself, and this guy knows he’s an omega, and they can spend the night together like his body is screaming at him to do. A place where he doesn’t have a stupid, fruitless, almost-crush on his best friend who he by all means can’t have.

Louis should pull away. He should detach himself from the alpha before it gets too intense and he starts expecting things to happen. He should get out of this situation before he puts himself in a position that could mess up the entire entangled web of lies he has created over the years as a form of self-protection.

And then there’s this part of him that wants to end it all right now. He’s so sick and tired of denying himself his own identity. He just wants to be himself, openly and freely. But the repercussions of the world knowing he’s an omega… When he has an amazing job that he could lose by revealing his real gender… When he lives with his best friend and isn’t ready to give all of it up for the sake of being able to indulge in one-night stands…

Louis sighs, turning around and kissing the alpha sweetly on the cheek in parting, as a way of saying thanks for the fun. The alpha smiles down at him, understanding, letting the crowd pull him away.

Managing through the maze of people dancing and screaming the lyrics to whatever song is playing, Louis makes it back to the table where Zayn and Liam are making out in the corner of the booth, and Harry and Niall are laughing and drinking.

Louis slides in next to Niall, sighing happily when Niall wraps an arm around his shoulder. He may be a bit drunker than he thought, a bit clingier, a bit needier. It gets harder and harder every day to deny the urges that rule his entire being. To continually pull himself away from alphas because he has to keep up appearances and pretend to be something he’s not.

Luckily, their friends don’t suspect a thing. Zayn and Liam are busy getting lost in each other, and Niall just thinks Louis likes to cuddle because he’s Louis, not because he’s omega.

Of course, it wouldn’t be so bad if they found out, but it’s risky. Too risky for Louis to take the chance. The general public thinks Louis is a beta and he needs to keep it that way. If anyone else finds out, word may find its way back to his place of employment and then he would be out of a job.

Louis knows his friends would be supportive, but not exactly understanding. Niall and Zayn are betas, and Liam is an alpha, and obviously so is Harry. They have no idea what it’s like to face oppression just because of their secondary gender, just for being a rare male omega, just for society’s steadfast idea that omegas are subservient to all other genders. They have no idea what it’s like to never be taken seriously, to never get the job, to be afraid of losing his job if his employers find out. They have no idea what it’s like to be afraid that someone will use his gender to manipulate him, that some alpha will order him to do something he doesn’t want to and he’ll have no choice but to comply.

It’s safer to pretend to be a beta. It’s safer that no one knows but his family and Harry. It’s safer to deny himself the simple pleasures his inner omega craves for the sake of safety and self-preservation. It’s just easier that no one else knows.

Louis cuddles into Niall’s side, happy and warm. He feels euphoric from the alcohol, dancing, and the sensation of a warm alpha behind him just moments ago. He’s glowing, he knows, face lit up contentedly, skin shining with sweat. He feels the best he has all week, after moping around and feeling sick because his best friend is distancing himself from him. It’s crazy what a night out can do, especially when it includes giving in to the tiny little pleasures his omega wants so badly, like pressing himself closer and closer to a nice alpha and enjoying the way their bodies fit together so perfectly, so meant to be.

When Louis looks up, he accidentally makes eye contact with Harry and is shocked to find him already staring right back.

His eyes are dark, his gaze intense. It would be frightening if he didn’t know Harry so well, if he didn’t know Harry would never hurt him.

Still, it’s unsettling. Galvanizing. Louis feels tiny prickles of electricity under his skin and he nervously fiddles with the hem of his top. He isn’t used to people looking at him this way, especially Harry. Looking at him meaningfully even though Louis doesn’t understand why.

Harry looks away. Down, to his nearly empty glass which sparkles in the dim club lights. Louis catches him inhaling through his nose and then grimacing. For a panicky second Louis wonders if Harry is disgusted by his omega scent. It doesn’t assuage Louis’ anxiety when he notices that Harry’s jaw tightens into a sharp line from neck to chin. Harry’s fist clenches around his drink as he downs the rest and stands up. Says he’s going home.

Louis stands up too, not even meaning to, and Niall’s arm falls down his back from where it was resting on his shoulder. Sometimes he does things without thinking, just gives in to whatever his inner omega wants him to do. His inner omega wants him to follow Harry.

He waves weakly at the table but Niall is the only one to pay him any mind. He has no explanation for leaving. “See you later, guys.” Niall gives him a smile of knowing encouragement and shoes him away.

Niall isn’t stupid. In fact, he’s one of the most perceptive people Louis knows. Besides, it would take someone really out of touch with social cues to miss how cold Harry acted towards Louis all night. It’s such a contrast to the way they usually are, clinging to each other and laughing their asses off, jokingly ganging up on the others and gently ribbing them because Harry and Louis are the dream team and nothing will ever change that, or so Louis thought.

He shoots an uneasy glance back at Niall, looking for any sign of support. Niall reassures him with a sad smile and a cordial wave goodbye. Louis sighs, biting his thumbnail nervously as he turns away. He follows Harry’s scent through the swirling mess of overstimulation, clinging to it like it’s a lifeline.

The truth is, something has changed. The energy is different between them. Dark, heavy, and charged with something unexplainable. It makes him feel dizzy and sick with regret for whatever he did wrong, though he doesn’t know what.

So Louis follows the scent of Harry outside, which is woodsy and familiar as always. Comforting. Home. He stumbles out onto the sidewalk, swaying from slight inebriation, and takes a moment to right himself. It’s dark, but the streetlights are bright, and he feels dizzy. Steadying himself with a hand on the brick wall beside him, he sees Harry further down the sidewalk, waiting for him.

“Everything alright?” Louis asks as he approaches him, shoving his fists into the pockets of his jeans.

Harry shrugs noncommittally, walking towards the direction of their flat like he’s just going to leave Louis there if he decides not to follow. Louis struggles to keep up.

Obviously something is wrong. Louis thinks there are a lot of things wrong. He doesn’t even know where to start. He trails two steps behind Harry, partly because he can’t walk that fast and partly because it’s just in his nature to follow where an alpha is leading. He hates that part of himself, but he can’t help his actions.

When they finally get to their flat, Harry just keeps walking like he’s going to lock himself in his room and completely shut Louis out. Louis can’t let that happen, won’t let it happen… He knows they need to talk, about so many different things. He knows they need to fix whatever’s wrong between them, whatever’s making Harry so moody, whatever made him run that morning when Louis woke up alone.

That was only a few days ago, when Louis went back to sleep in Harry’s arms and woke up alone. The shower was running, so Harry hadn’t completely disappeared, but when he got out he acted so cold and detached, barely even saying a word to Louis when it was clear Louis wanted to talk.

They didn’t talk then, but they need to talk now. The omega has given Harry the necessary space for a few days but nothing has changed, he’s still cold and detached and something is wrong. Something has changed between them.

Louis can feel it, that steady thrumming beneath his skin which he originally wrote off as a reaction to being to close to an alpha after rut. It’s been nearly a week and it hasn’t gone away yet. He feels uncomfortable, itching to get closer to Harry and his scent and just everything about him. He’s at the point where if he doesn’t fix this unbearable distance between them, he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to stand it.

So Louis practically chases after Harry as he retreats to his bedroom, nearly tackling him right before he can get through the door. He tugs on Harry’s arm when the alpha barely turns to acknowledge him.

“What?”

“Are you, um, are you sure everything is okay?”

Harry shrugs him off easily even though Louis had been clutching his arm as tightly as he could. “Everything’s fine.”

“Um, okay-” He struggles to think of a reason to get Harry to stay. Out of sheer desperation, in a messy rush of words, he blurts out, “Can we practice tonight?”

“What?”

“Uh-” Louis stammers, feeling panicky, a bit like he’s losing his mate or something, which is just. Ridiculous.  _ Just friends just friends just friends _ , he reminds himself frantically. “Uhh, can we practice commands tonight?”

“You’re drunk, Lou.”

_ Lou. Lou. Lou. _ Why does it sound so good coming from his mouth? “I’m not,” He argues, not even lying that much. “I feel fine.”

Harry rolls his eyes, turning away and escaping to his room. He doesn’t close the door. Louis follows him, but Harry acts like he’s not even there, changing into the softer clothes he usually sleeps in and ignoring the omega who stands there helplessly. He follows the alpha to the bathroom and stands in the doorway as he brushes his teeth and washes his face as part of his nighttime routine Louis knows too well, too intimately.

When the alpha is finished, he brushes right past him and back into his room, bumping into Louis shoulder and not apologizing for it. Pretending like Louis isn’t even there. Like he’s invisible.

It’s an awful feeling, to have the alpha he admires so much to act like he doesn’t even exist.

Louis cowers back into the shadows, finding himself encased in darkness just as Harry slips into bed and turns the bedside lamp off. He can’t see anything now, but he can hear Harry’s slow breathing, and the annoyance and frustration in his scent which radiates off of him in waves.

Harry doesn’t say anything else, either falling asleep or pretending to. Louis feels like an idiot just for standing there waiting for the alpha to do something, so he backs out of the room and heads into his own with a sinking feeling in his stomach. He doesn’t understand what’s going on, but he knows he did something wrong, and it’s tearing him apart.

  
  


…

  
  
He can’t sleep. But what else is new.

  
…

  
  


As an omega, knowing an alpha is mad at you is an awful experience and at times even physically painful. It makes Louis feel sick and nauseous, unable to eat breakfast in the morning. He skips lunch too, curling up in bed instead, blessing the weekend for allowing him to do this. If it were a weekday, he would have to suffer through work while feeling like absolute shit.

Harry isn’t home the entire day, leaving Louis to wallow and worry and wonder what he did wrong. He thinks all the way back to the day he returned from visiting his family, and runs through everything he did since then.

They had ended up falling asleep together, deciding to talk about it in the morning… But they never did. And then a week passed where things were relatively normal, but only slightly shifted like they were both just pretending to go back to how things used to be instead of that actually being true.

Then there was last night when they went out to a bar with their friends. Harry had been flirting with an omega near the bathrooms when Louis decided to dance by himself in the crowd, and that nice alpha danced with him. Obviously nothing could happen between them and that’s why Louis pulled away and went back to the table. By the time he returned, Harry was there too, his mood sour.

Maybe it isn’t Louis’ fault at all. Maybe the omega he had been talking to had turned him down and Harry is now just bitter, misplacing his anger on Louis. Maybe that’s it.

He’s pretty certain that isn’t it.

Louis spends the rest of the weekend feeling sick, and cowering away from Harry whenever they’re in the same room. As of late, it has become quite difficult to live together. Not for the first time, Louis questions why he renounced his entire gender just to room with Harry.

Of course, that’s not it, not really. Louis’ main motivation for hiding his gender is because he wants to keep his job.

The thing is, Louis has been working for years, climbing up the ladder towards positions of more and more authority. He’s hardworking, dedicated to his company, never misses a day, all of that. He has a great position right now but he knows his superiors would find a way to lose him his job if they ever found out he was omega. Legally, they can’t demote him based on his secondary gender, but there’s nothing to stop him from finding another nitpicky reason to get rid of him. Louis isn’t willing to take that chance.

See, Louis may love his job, but going to work on Monday is painful and exhausting because his stupid inner omega is still so distraught at Harry being so mad at him, refusing to even acknowledge him now unless Louis addresses him directly, in which he replies in one word answers and won’t even look at him.

On Wednesday night, he’s curled up in bed in the evening with his phone clutched tightly between his hands. He needs to talk to someone.

Usually, he would talk to Harry, curl up with him on the couch and whine to him while Harry listened attentively, making him feel better just by being there. But obviously Harry isn’t an option right now, since he’s the cause of the sick feeling in the omega’s stomach that won’t go away no matter what he does.

His second choice is his mum, but she’s an alpha and she would never understand, anyways. The same goes for Liam, who is his third line of defense. 

Louis groans outwardly, curling in on himself as another wave of anxiety washes over him, making him feel nauseous again. He doesn’t know anything expect that he wants everything between him and Harry to go back to the way it used to be.

Why doesn’t he have any omega friends? He could really use some omega solidarity right now. For a moment he debates calling his younger sister but then decides he doesn’t want to worry her.

So he’ll suffer alone, then.

 

  
…

  
  


Two days later, on Friday, Louis pukes in the bathroom at work. He returns to his office and tries his hardest to get things done, pretending to be fine. No one questions him at all.

Driving home is a fucking trip and he nearly pulls off to the side of the road to empty his stomach again, but he manages to quell the nausea. Not for the first time, he wonders if he’s actually sick and it’s not just a side effect of Harry being pissed at him. But then he remembers that Harry is pissed at him and the feeling intensifies, so he figures that’s the reason. He’s done lying to himself.

He gets home and goes straight to bed, feeling to sick and upset to even try talking to Harry like he usually does. He sinks into a shallow slumber, unable to fall completely asleep because of the voices.

Voices? Right. He’s hearing voices now. Through the haze and daze of his almost-sleep, he hears two familiar voices talking. He can’t place either of them, not really, but he can make some guesses.

“What the fuck did you do to him?” The voice is very angry, almost bitingly so. It sounds worried.

Silence. Then, “Nothing.”

“Don’t bullshit me, H. What the fuck is going on?”

He hears the sound of the door to his bedroom opening, but he can’t bring himself to turn around to see who it is. Vague, superficial embarrassment encompasses him when he remembers he isn’t wearing anything except pajama shorts. He hopes whoever these two voices are don’t recognize him as an omega.

“Louis?”

“Mmm,” He mumbles into the sheets which still smell faintly like Harry. It’s comforting and painful all at the same time. Fuck. He just wants Harry to stop being mad at him. He just wants Harry to love him. Even just as a friend. Even if it isn’t enough.

A jolt of panic shoots through him when he realizes he isn’t wearing his scent-neutralizing spray. It’s too late, though; there’s no way whoever is there doesn’t smell his flowery omega scent already and recognize him for who he really is.

The bed dips as someone sits beside him. A warm hand strokes his back, “Alright, babe. Wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

“Tired. Sad,” Louis says to the mattress, feeling only a little comforted by the hand rubbing his bare skin. It’s nice to have human contact again, even if he is ruining everything he built for years and years to conceal his identity. When he inhales, he can smell alpha, but not Harry.

Liam.

There are worse people to find out Louis is O. He squeezes his eyes shut tight, trying to keep the panicky tears at bay.

“Hmm,” Liam hums, rubbing his shoulders. “Can you tell me why?”

“Mad at me,” Louis sighs, giving in. He’s so exhausted and defeated. There’s no point in hiding from his feelings anymore.

“Who is?”

Louis shakes his head, pulling the comforter back over himself and snuggling into the warmth. He doesn’t need Louis to tell him; he already knows the answer.

Liam sighs audibly and turns away, addressing someone else in the room Louis hadn’t known was there. “I told you. This is your fault, I’m not fixing it for you. Don’t talk to me until you get this sorted out.” Then he turns back to Louis, petting his hair gently. “Call me if you need anything, okay babe?”

Louis doesn’t react. He clutches the extra pillow to his chest, squeezing tightly in search of any sort of artificial comfort, but ends up finding not much of anything at all. The dip in the bed lifts when Liam stands up, and in a moment he’s gone, the door of the flat shutting quietly. But Louis can now smell Harry there, standing far away by the door.

He wants to yell at him for being so mean, but he doesn’t have the energy so he just closes his eyes again and tries to fall asleep again. That ugly feeling is curling in his gut and he just wants Harry to stop being mad at him but he doesn’t know how to fix any of this, especially without talking.

Harry approaches the bed slowly. Louis only notices because of the sound of his footsteps on the wood floor.

“Umm, hey Lou…” Harry starts off, voice deep and quiet. He sounds awkward.

Louis doesn’t dignify his words with a response.

Harry swallows audibly, obviously realizing Louis isn’t going to respond. “Ehmm, well, Liam knows you’re O? I don’t- I didn’t tell him. He figured it out on his own.”

That’s not good, but in a way Louis has already made peace with it. Still, Louis really needs to talk to Liam. But he can’t even bring himself to get out of bed. For years he’s been hiding his identity, going through hoops to make up excuses for his heats and a billion other things, and Liam just found out so easily. All of it feels futile. He’s beginning to wonder why he hid it in the first place. He’s beginning to wonder why he doesn’t just give up.

Harry sits down beside him, the bed dipping again. He doesn’t dare reach out to touch, but his alpha scent swirls in the air and clings to Louis anyways.

“He isn’t mad or anything, for you not telling him. He just- yeah.” Harry sucks in a deep breath, possibly to gather the courage he needs to say what he says next. It comes out quiet. “I’m sorry.”

“Mmf,” Louis mumbles in reaction, a noncommittal sound. Not a sound of forgiveness. More of a sound of _ what exactly are you sorry for? _

“I just… It’s not you. You did nothing wrong. I’m sorry for making you feel like shit… I didn’t mean to, like, do any of this.”

Louis did nothing wrong but he’s still the one being punished by this alpha who has acted so cold towards him.

“Can I- Can I touch you? To make you feel better.”

Louis doesn’t respond. Harry’s warm hand brushes up against the bare skin of his shoulder anyway, too close to his neck. The omega shies away even though the feeling of Harry’s hands on him is exactly what he needs. He’s still pissed off and not going to forgive Harry, especially without an explanation. He yanks the duvet up higher to cover his shoulders completely, displacing Harry’s hand in the process.

“Sorry,” Harry mutters, awkwardly retracting his hand.

There’s a long, stifling silence before Louis finally says, “What are you doing here?”

“I- I don’t know-”

“You’re mad at me and you won’t tell me why,” Louis interrupts. “You have no right to be here.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

Louis pulls a loose thread between his fingers, still facing the wall, his weak omega stomach in knots. “No,” He admits quietly, feeling timid and stupid. “I want you to tell me why you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you,” Harry says softly, his voice sounding far away.

Louis can’t take it anymore. He bravely flips around in bed so he’s lying on his back and staring up at his alpha best friend. He’s surprised to find Harry looking so distraught, his eyes sad. Louis tells himself it’s just his alpha nature to be upset when an omega, any omega, is in distress.

“Then why the fuck are you acting so cold to me?” Louis bites harshly, feeling bad only when Harry flinches and covers his face in his hands.

“I fucked up,” He moans, voice muffled by his palms. “I fucked up so bad.”

“You did,” Louis agrees easily, glaring up at Harry who looks close to tears. Why is he the one who’s crying? Louis is the one who has felt sick for more than a week, sick enough to puke at work and not get any sleep at night.

“Please-” Harry sniffles, “Please just let me make it up to you- Let me help you-”

The omega narrows his eyes in suspicion. He sits up fully now, leaning forward so he can really glare at Harry. “What the fuck? You don’t get to ‘make it up’ to me after you’ve ignored me for a week and haven’t even explained yourself. What makes you think I want to hear what you have to say?”

“Because you told me to explain why I was mad at you-”

“So you are mad at me,” Louis confirms, feeling sickly triumphant. “I want you to explain, not just use your stupid alpha charm to get me to forgive you when I don’t even know why you’re ignoring me in the first place, you absolute knothead.”

Harry’s bottom lip trembles before he nervously pulls it between his fingers.

“So what do you want from me, Harry?” Louis asks, so unbelievably pissed off right not but somehow still finding the fight seeping out of him the more he breathes in Harry’s calming scent.

“I just… I want to make sure you’re okay. I need to make sure you’re okay.”

“Well I’m fine, so.” He makes a shooing motion with his hands.

“You’re not, though,” Harry responds, eyes wide. “You haven’t been feeling well all week and you were sick at work today and-”

“Wait. How do you know I was sick at work today?”

“Oh.” Harry rubs the back of his neck uneasily, looking sheepish. “Umm, about that. I may ask Ed how you are every so often?”

Louis gasps. Ed is his coworker whose office is right next to his own. They have lunch together every Monday and always end up talking way too long. “You keep tabs on me at  _ work _ ? What the fuck? Why?!”

“I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“So you keep in contact with my coworker behind my back instead of just asking me? What the fuck? Do you realize how  _ weird  _ that is Harry? How much you’re acting like my mate when you’re n-” Louis snaps his mouth shut so hard his teeth clank together and his jaw aches.

Harry stares back at him with wide eyes.

“Holy shit, Harry, what the fuck? How long have you been talking to Ed?”

“A while…” He whispers, voice quiet and unsure, like he’s afraid his words will push the unstable omega over the edge.

“What the fuck. Does he know I’m an O? Did you tell him?” Louis’ voice is getting slightly higher and more hysterical. He feels so sick and confused and everything is swirling through his mind in a chaotic maelstrom.

“No! Of course not. I’ve never told anyone, Lou, I promise. We just talk sometimes and he tells me how you’ve been and everything. I just- I don’t know. I need to make sure you’re safe, even when I’m not there with you.”

Louis stares at him, speechless. The two of them have done some weird shit for each other that borders on crossing the line away from platonic during the two decades they’ve been friends, but this might top the cake. Who the hell keeps tabs on their friend when he’s at work by keeping in contact with his coworker? That’s something that most bond mates don’t even do.

“Harry…”

“Fuck, Lou, I’m sorry, okay? I’m just so worried about you. Not just now, but like, all the time. I don’t know why but I just need to know you’re okay, even when you’re not near me. Please. I’m sorry.”

Louis shakes his head, eyes still wide in disbelief. Does Harry even understand what this means?

“Please,” Harry begs, “Can I just check to make sure you’re okay? You’re sick and it’s all my fault and it’s tearing me apart.”

The omega sighs shakily, closing his eyes so he doesn’t have to look at Harry so upset and distraught. The truth is, he understands what Harry is saying. He understands how this distance between them is tearing him apart. He understands, because he feels the same way.

“Okay,” He breathes. “Okay.”

Harry smiles at him softly through the sparkly tears in his eyes and very gentle pushes Louis down so he’s lying on the mattress again. Then, with calculated and intentional movements he very carefully inspects Louis, starting at his shoulder and moving down. He moves his palms down Louis’ front, settling on his stomach where he pauses and holds them there, rubbing his thumbs back and forth gently, checking for something wrong.

Louis patiently allows Harry to inspect him for ailments and injuries, just like he did that one time Louis cut his hand and was bleeding all over the place and Harry smothered him protectively, searching for any other wounds once he took care of the first one. Obviously it’s some alpha instinct he has, to check the entirety of the omega for something wrong with him. But why does he care so deeply about Louis anyways? Louis is still stuck on the idea that Harry thinks of him only as a friend and nothing more.

Yet when he watches Harry carefully, intently inspecting him with reverence for something wrong that he can fix, stroking his hair and caressing his face, he can’t help the feeling of hope that swells within his chest. Because the only reason Harry would care so much is if…

“Hey Harry?”

“Yeah?”

Louis debates asking him. He wants to take the easy way out and shut his mouth, or maybe turn the conversation elsewhere. But he isn’t a coward. He refuses to be a coward. “What are we?”

“Hm?”

“We’re more than just friends.”

“Yeah, we’re best friends.”

“You know what I mean, H…”

“I do,” Harry admits. “But can we not talk about it right now?”

“If we don’t talk about it now, when will we?”

“Tomorrow?” Harry asks hopefully.

Louis slides his fingers into Harry’s hair from where Harry paused near his neck, still inspecting him for some sort of injury or something. He pulls him away gently to meet his eyes. “You know we’ll never talk about it if we keep putting it off.”

Harry huffs a sigh and falls over to the side, lying back on the mattress beside Louis and staring up at the ceiling. “I know.”

The thing is, Louis doesn’t want to be the first one to say it. He’ll feel so stupid if he’s wrong about what he thinks, if Harry doesn’t actually like him like he thinks he does.

But then Louis thinks back to all the time they’ve spent together in the past few years of living together, all the times they’ve stayed in on the weekends and had movie nights snuggled up together on the couch. He thinks back to that time he cut himself while slicing apples and how Harry was the one to fuss over him, making sure he was okay. He thinks back to all the times they’ve stayed up until sunrise just being silly together and talking about anything and everything. He thinks back to all the times he has caught Harry staring at him with that fond smile on his face and that warmth in his eyes. He thinks back to all the times he’s felt warm and happy and protected in Harry’s presence.

Shit.

“I like you,” Louis blurts out, turning on his side to meet Harry’s eyes. “I like you a lot.”

Harry laughs a little uncomfortably. “I like you too, Lou.”

“No Harry, you don’t understand. I  _ like  _ you. Like, I want to be your omega.” Once the words are out of his mouth, he can’t believe he just said them, but he doesn’t regret them.

There’s a long, wavering silence, before, “Uhhhh… Wow.”

“Wow what? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Harry smiles so hard the places around his eyes crinkle cutely. “I just never thought I’d hear you say that.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I’ve been dropping hints that I liked you for years and you’ve never noticed.”

“Really?” Louis eyes him warily, watching as Harry watches him expectantly.

“Yes, really. I like you a lot, Lou. I’ve always liked you. I’ve always wanted to be your alpha.”

“Wow. Okay.”

Harry is beaming at him.

“I’m still pissed at you though. Why the fuck were you ignoring me and being an asshole?”

Harry’s face falls slightly, his expression shifting to something more somber. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry isn’t gonna cut it if you don’t tell me what the fuck I did wrong.”

“No- Lou, you didn’t do anything wrong. It was all me. Misplaced anger, I guess. I’m so upset that I did that to you during rut and then I guess I was just pissed that we weren’t together for real even though we spend all our time together. Like, we live together and we’re best friends and yet I still couldn’t have you. So I got kinda upset and I took it out on you. I thought giving you some space would be better, too.”

Louis squints warily. “So what happened the night we went clubbing, then, huh? Why were you so pissed?”

Harry’s expression darkens. “You were dancing with another alpha. You smelled like him.”

“Oh.” Louis thinks about the situation for a long second before inevitably rolling his eyes in jest. “I thought omegas were supposed to be the possessive, jealous ones.”

Harry rolls his eyes too, jokingly. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. You know neither of us prescribe to the A-O stereotypes. Except for the fact that we live together and now we’re getting togethre. That’s pretty typical, I think.”

“Who says we’re getting together?”

“Um-” Harry pauses, asking hopefully, “You are?”

“You’re so stupid. What a knothead.”

“Is that a yes?”

“That’s a maybe.”

“Alright,” Harry decides, his grin turning slightly smug like he already knows Louis will give a definitive yes in the near future. “I’ll take it.”

  
  
…

  
  
  
They spend the rest of that evening curled up together on Louis’ bed, talking things over until they’re on the same page. It’s nice.

By the end of the night, Louis feels marginally better although his stomach is still churning slightly from the aftermath of his favorite alpha being mad at him for more than a week. Harry rubs his tummy and apologizes a million times over for misplacing his anger and frustration. Louis knows he genuinely feels bad about it, so he allows Harry to stay close to him and attempt to make him feel better.

They don’t mean to fall asleep together, but it happens, and it isn’t a bad thing. In the morning Louis wakes up first because alphas are the ones who sleep like the dead, not omegas. He’s glad, though, because he gets to admire Harry’s sleeping face and the way he breathes in cute, sniffling breaths.

When Harry wakes up, he smiles at Louis sleepily for a long while before asking, “Can I kiss you?”

Louis nods, his heart swelling in his chest. The first brush of their lips is galvanizing and tempts them for more. Louis presses their mouths together and kisses Harry hard, morning breath be damned.

They don’t leave the bed all day.

  
  
  
…

  
  
  
“Lou..?”

“Yeah, Hazza?”

“Um, maybe we should stay in today. Or I should- We should…”

It’s three weeks after they finally admitted their feelings for each other. They hashed everything out and figured out what the fuck was going wrong, before they took the time to talk for hours and really get on the same page. Now it’s Saturday a few weeks later and Louis is fixing his hair in the mirror. They have plans to go to the movies tonight to watch another rom com. Harry loves rom coms and Louis doesn’t mind indulging him; this is nothing new.

“Huh?”

“Do you feel okay?” Harry asks instead of explaining his weird behavior.

“Uh, yeah? Why wouldn’t I?”

“You just, uh. Isn’t your heat soon?”

Louis frowns. “It’s in seventeen days.”

“Uhhh, are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” He snaps impatiently, suddenly feeling a little feverish now that Harry has mentioned it. He begins questioning himself. “Why?”

Harry ignores him again. “Can I smell?”

Louis beckons Harry forward with the quick flutter of his wrist. The alpha approaches him carefully until their feet are touching. He sets his hands on Louis’ hips and leans in until his nose is brushing the sensitive spot below his ear. When Harry inhales, Louis closes his eyes and lets the proximity to the alpha calm him.

When Harry finally but reluctantly pulls back, his pupils are blown wide and his cheeks are rosy pink. When he speaks, his voice is syrupy slow, raspy, soft, and deep. “We should, yeah… We should stay here.”

“Really? It’s that close?”

Harry nods, biting his lip. “Twelve hours max. I’d rather be safe than sorry, anyways.”

“Yeah, okay, fine.” Louis sighs, thinking of how he’ll have to call off work and make up another excuse for why he’s missing. He has already used up so many vacation days, and he knows every time he takes off that it looks suspicious for a beta to be missing work for blocks of days at a time, just like an omega in heat. Because he is an omega in heat.

“Do you want me to drive you to the clinic?”

Harry’s tone is serious, and Louis stares at him contemplatively, since this is an important question and something they haven’t discussed yet, even if they have already decided that they’re in an official exclusive relationship right now. Hell, they’re still working up the courage to tell their friends, wondering how to explain it when only Liam knows that Louis is an O.

So the question remains: does Louis want to spend another heat alone in an omega clinic, or does he want Harry to help him through it?

He knows his answer, but it depends on what Harry wants. “Are you comfortable spending it with me?”

The corners of Harry’s lips quirk upwards. “Yeah, I am.”

“So if I asked you, you’d say yes?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay. Then I’d like to stay here, please.”

Harry smiles brighter at him, opening his arms wide to encompass his omega in a hug. Louis falls into it easy, the anxiety caused by his upcoming heat ebbing once he realizes he’ll be spending it with the kindest alpha he knows.

“You sure, Lou? Like absolutely sure?”

Harry is right to question him, because this will be his first time. Not just his first time during heat, or his first time with an alpha, but his first time all together. He’s excited but nervous and yet he strangely feels at peace. It may or may not have something to do with the fact that a very sweet, caring alpha is rubbing his back comfortingly.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” And his answer is truthful.

Harry cups his face in his hands and kisses him deeply, holding him close and bracketing his legs on either side of him so Louis feels encompassed and safe. “If you change your mind just tell me, okay?” Harry says when they pull back for air. “I’ll always listen to you. Just tell me to stop and I will.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Louis doesn’t know how he got so lucky with Harry, but here he is standing right on the edge of a frightening but exciting week spent with Harry. He tries to think of anyone else who would make him feel this comfortable, but he can’t think of a single person, and that’s how he knows he made the right choice.

Harry guides him to the bedroom so they can nap before everything turns hectic. Louis relishes in the way Harry touches him and holds him so protectively, making him feel safe and secure, completely out of harms ways. He’s a bit nervous as for what’s to expect, but he knows he’s in good hands. He trusts Harry to take care of him.

When they’re getting situated in bed together, Louis curling up by Harry’s side, Harry holds him close and whispers into his hair. “I love you.”

The admission doesn’t startle the omega like it probably should. It’s not that he was expecting it, just that it feels so honest and right that he doesn’t even need to question it. He believes Harry.

“I wanted to tell you before we did anything. So you would know for sure that I love you and I want to care for you always, as long as you’ll let me.”

Louis shifts his head to the side so he can kiss softly at Harry’s tummy. “Thank you for telling me. I love you too, by the way.”

“Are you nervous?” Harry asks, running his fingers through Louis’ hair and scratching lightly at his scalp. It feels so good, Louis closes his eyes, just enjoying the sensation.

When he thinks about how anxious he used to be, worrying about all the things that could go wrong the first time he had sex, it seems kind of silly. Never had he really let himself consider that maybe the first time he would ever be intimate with someone would be with his best friend who he already trusts with his life. Yet it’s so comforting to know that he has Harry beside him now, here to take care of him, to protect him, and to help him through his heat. For once he isn’t so much nervous as he is excited at the prospects of the next few days.

So he answers, “No. Not with you.”

Harry doesn’t respond with words, but he does take Louis’ hand in his own with a gentle touch, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing lightly at his fingers. Louis can feel Harry’s smile, and it makes him smile too.

It may have taken them quite a while to figure themselves out, but it was definitely worth the wait. They have the entire future ahead of them, and that’s a beautiful thing to think about.

Of course there will be conflicts and complications, like how they still haven’t told their friends about their new relationship, or how the entire world thinks Louis is an omega.

But Louis has no doubt that they’ll figure it all out together.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! All comments are appreciated, ily.
> 
> Sending virtual hugs to anyone who [reblogs the fic post on tumblr](http://angelichl.tumblr.com/post/172087715444/my-star-in-the-sky-by-angelichl-23k-louis-and) <3


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